Gah! It’s Monday! The day we must pretend very hard to do real work. Replying to comments on my blog counts as work, don’t you think? Here are a few that somehow ended up in the spam folder:
viagra bijwerkingen on Bloggers for Movember:
Hello
Dear Viagra Bijwerkingen,
Hi! How are ya? You have a very unusual name,Viagra. You don’t happen to sell Viagra do you? Not that I need any. I never need any.
On another thought, Mr Viagra, being an advocate of men’s sexual health have you had a prostate cancer screening?
Love,
Miss Four Eyes
nike air max 360 on For the love of your healthy prostate:
Hey! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers?
I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked
hard on. Any tips?
Dearest Nike Air Max,
I appreciate you asking me for help. However, I don’t think I am able to help you seeing as how I am one of the hackers trying desperately to get into your site. Nothing personal man, just recreational activity.
On another thought, could you maybe attach the words “hard on” with the rest of you sentence? I have a dirty, filthy mind, Nike Air Max, I get ideas. But not to worry, I would never actually make a move on you, I’m too much of a lady for that. Plus, it turns out that Mr.Viagra does not actually sell Viagra. Not that I would ever need any. Do you ever use any performance enhancing drugs? It’s alright, you can tell me, I won’t judge. You know what though, you should get your prostate checked first. Then you and I could discuss more about those plugins and all the stuff you’ve worked so hard on.
Love always,
Miss Four Eyes
Japenese Parts on For the love of your healthy prostate :
Hiya, I am really glad I have found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossips and net and this is actually irritating. A good website with interesting content, that is what I need. Thanks for keeping this web-site, I will be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Cant find it.
Dear Japenese Parts,
Thank you, you are too kind. I too hate gossiping and find it extremely irritating. The net, however, has my undying devotion, for without it I would not have found you, Japenese Parts. It makes me want to join the Glee club and spontaneously sing and dance to hear that you will be visiting my site again. I anticipate the future when I see your name, Japanese Parts, pop up in my comments once again. And when it does, Japanese Parts, I will probably weep in happiness. But that’s just the way I roll, do not be alarmed.
I regret to inform you, Japanese Parts, that I do not have a newsletter. I might start a personal newsletter just for you if you go for a prostate cancer screening. The hotdog vendor around the block, however, does send out a weekly newsletter to all his customers. Or perhaps, just to me individually for that time I backed up into his cart. But that is unimportant, would you like to subscribe to his newsletter? It is quite fascinating, he gives in depth analysis regarding parking laws and damage charges.
Always and forever yours,
Miss Four Eyes
Sex onThis post is entirely about Cyborgs.:
CLICK HERE
AMAZING PORN WEBSITE !!!! XXX
http://www.martekwatch.com
Dear Sex,
I am deeply pained and hurt that you would play such a cruel joke on me. I clicked on your site like a true fan, and found that you wanted to sell me stocks. STOCKS! You are the worst.
I hate you,
Miss Four Eyes
ummmm, all I have to say is HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You’re so hilarious!
Thanks
Gotta love spam!
You should sue for false advertisement, no porn, I clicked and that website is ugly, no porn.
I do the same work that you do on Mondays, I have 4 days to the regular thing.
Exactly NO porn. I hate Sex.
……er that was an accident. Go ahead laugh.
I try very hard to do the regular thing the rest of the four days. It doesn’t always work out. Except on Friday, I am quite productive on Fridays.
I like how nike air max tried to be all sneaky and creative there – but damn it, he forgot to change his name, d’oh! And Japenese parts is a great one, too. You’d think they’d know how to spell it, though. Odd. There should be one called “How stupid are ya feeling? Click my link!” I would respect that spammer.
Haha! You would think that Japenese Parts would know how to spell their own name, wouldn’t you? I would definitely click on that, out of respect and because I feel pretty stupid most of the time.
The only reason get involved in stocks is because of the porn. What a gip!
Right? Why bother if they don’t have any?!
Oh the spam folder, what entertainment you provide!
The spam folder is the best! Always a little adventure. You think you know what you’re gonna get (viagra and porn) but every time its a brand new surprise! I miss the spam that said I won a million dollars and the ones with the heartbreaking stories that wanted to use my bank account.
Filthy stock holders leading you on with their porn…I can only imagine the disappointment.
You have no idea! It was terrible! It was like having a very large cake only to find out that a stock broker was hiding inside waiting to jump out at you. That was a bad example.
Oh the disappointment. It’s those stock holders screwing with you again – kinda like porn!!
BTW I’ve nominated you for the Liebster award. You can check it out on my blog.
http://storkhunting.com/2012/11/20/oooh-look-shiny/
Hahahaaa!
Thank you so much! I’ll check it out right away!
Spam is probably my favorite thing about blogging. Scratch that, it is definately my favorite thing about blogging. That is, except when financial websites pretend to be porn. You are rightfully outraged.
Spam is the best! I kinda miss the old spam where my computer would win $10,000,000 every three weeks. Now we only get very boring stuff, and even most of those don’t have what they promised! Like Doggy’s Style said, I should sue them for false advertising.
Sometimes spam is a great release!
Spam is indeed a fantastic release! But only when they deliver what they promised.
Your spam is so much more interesting than mine! Sadness. I wonder if Askimet is keeping out all the good ones… Hmm…
Askimet deleted all most of my good ones, I was saving them and they disappeared! Now all I get are Time Warner Cable and a bunch of music. Stupid Askimet!
No! I didn’t mean it! I take it back! Please don’t send me any viruses.
Hilarious!
But you – or any partner of yours – would NEVER need Viagra!
Hook, that is by far the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me!
I try…
Argh, stocks! The worst. Unless it was stocks in Viagra, then you would have a limitless supply and could maybe engage Spammer #1 in some commission-rewarded online sales to strangers…
Haha! I think I would buy stocks in viagra…. I mean, er, for purely investment purposes of course.
Hi, my name is (Undercover L) and this is my first time to your blog. I’ve seen you about the blogosphere and you seem to enjoy all the same bloggers I do, so I figured I would take a browse. Laughed until I cried. You are quite a nutter, Four Eyes. Lovin’ it all over the freakin’ shop! (There is something creepy about your post if you do a mash-up. It includes Japenese Parts, hard on, spam, porn [or stock brokers, which might turn me on], and Viagra. Sounds like a great movie. Or book.)
Hi Undercover L! Nice to meet ya!
Thank you, thank you, you are just the sweetest! I did see that creepy stuff, I wanted someone to point it out (and you did!). How can you miss it, right? Japenese parts, hard on ?! I’m glad to see someone else with a silly sense of humor!
Some of the spam comments we get are surprisingly complimentary. If ever I need a pick-me-up, I just go read some of them…
Exactly! Who needs praises and compliments from friends and family, or whistles from construction site workers? We’ve got spam!
Okay, just so you know “Viagra Bijwerkingen” is Dutch for “Viagra Side-effects”.
Which is very peculiar that that ended up in your spam-box, because it looks like a totally valid comment. Is your blog discrimination against Dutch people?
Come to think of it, you referring to him as Mr. Viagra isn’t correct, it should be Mr. Bijwerkingen or in English, Mr. Side-effects. Better yet, CAPTAIN SIDE-EFFECTS! Which could totally be the name of your superhero twelve eyed cyborg! Don’t you agree?
Haha! Viagra Side-Effects! I would never discriminate against Dutch people. Especially Dutch people that are named Viagra Side-Effects!
I like Captain Side Effects! Masked vigilante busting myths healthy dosage prescriptions everywhere .
i was in mexico recently where they sell viagra in the airport, no prescription needed. i wanted to buy some but we were late for the plane and the woman who’d be on the other end of the results said, “you almost send me to the hospital now, you think i want you to take that?”
Hahahaha! You cannot be putting pictures like that in my head!
can i put them in your e-mail?
Yes please.
I understand that viagra was originaly nothing to do with sex but rather as tool for botonists. After taking the said pill, and shifting their feet apart somewhat. would be able to lean forward imitating tripod for hours on the low wall surrounding flower beds in public parks, and with bottle in one hand, tweezers in the other, examine and collect aphides and other such creatures from the lower regions of the bushes planted therein.
Then some body saw the dirty side of it and the rest is history.
I thought you ought to know.
Haha! Good thing they found the other use, the first one sounds painful
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Spam emails, the bane of my life, I wish there was a way to get wicked revenge on them.
I read post where one guy actually replied to one of those “Please help me, I need to use your bank account’ guys. And the spammer actually replied! It was hilarious
wow, I thought it was all controlled by bots. I never reply to them I just delete, I fear that can get details of my machine and hound me if I reply.
Me too! What if they’re secretly super hackers?!
exactly, hence just delete… the sarcasm would be lost on them anyway
But then I wonder, what on earth would a super hacker want with my computer or bank account? I don’t have any money!
they would just ruin your machine and spread viscous things about you, delete your identity or get loans in your name… not sure if it can happen, but it does in movies so it must be true.
Haha, I keep thinking about weird stuff like that too
great minds think alike and all that