Life and Other Funny Things

My socks are criminals

Maybe I didn’t love them enough. Maybe they had harsh experiences in the dryer. I don’t know, but my socks are criminals. All of them.

The red ones, they like to murder my laundry. Every time I think it’s safe to finally put in a load of whites, there they are just waiting for me to turn my back and quietly sneak into the washing machine while I’m not looking. I stopped buying red socks years ago and threw them all out. But sure enough they came back. Each and every one of them to brutally murder my poor white shirts. There’s a pile of pink carcasses in my room. They were so young!

BeFunky_images (2).jpg123711_Laundry_accident - Copy

The black ones, they’re the escape convicts. They magically disappear every time I do my laundry. Six will go in, only five will come out. At first I thought the poor guy got lost. But after more disappearances I was sure they were making a break for it. What could they be running from? Were they not happy with me? Do my feet……..smell?

Whatever it is, I’m certain all my missing socks have made their own little civilization somewhere. Probably with other socks, maybe yours. They probably tell each other stories of their past. I just hope they’re happy.

Sock camp2

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82 thoughts on “My socks are criminals

  1. LOL I have a bundle of odd socks. ONE always disappears. Where the heck does it GO. 2 go in the washer, 1 will come out. I think the washers the Criminal..LOL Have a wonderful day, big hugs xx0xx

    Mollie and Alfie

  2. There’s this thing that comes on late night infomercials (not that I watch them that often. I’m sure everyone owns a schticky these days don’t they?)…anyway this thing has zippered pockets to put a pair of socks in. You wash the socks and dry the socks in the zippered pockets and take them out to wear them. It’s like jail for socks. No more escape.

    • Late night infomercials are mesmerizing. I’m just sleepy enough to think that the products are brilliance, and awake enough to want to keep watching.
      Sock jail sounds perfect! I need one.

  3. We stopped buying a variety of socks. I have my white ones, dozens of packs of the same brand, and my husband has his black ones, again, dozens of packs of the same brand. That way they are easy to match and don’t matter if one or two gets eaten by the dryer beast.

  4. I abuse my socks by going hiking and coming back with them all muddy and grass-stained. They never quite recover. We don’t have a dryer though, so maybe there is no where for them to run to.

  5. When I find a kind of sock I like I get a bunch of pairs, so that as they flee I can just keep re-pairing them. It’s like a cult marriage or totalitarian state. “You’re husband is gone. Here is your new husband.”

  6. I think they have a hide out somewhere in the vent hose. Where else could they be going? And really, why do they keep fleeing? I wash my feet. I trim my nails. It’s not THAT bad, right? Right??

  7. I was just thinking this morning how I’m going to throw my big pile of socks away! I’m going to do it. You inspired me. They’ll be happier somewhere else anyway and can pair up however they like!

  8. Pingback: The Sock Graveyard | Full-Time Writer Mom

  9. Those socks sitting around the campfire roasting marshmallows is cutest, most gosh-darn adorable thing I’ve ever seen lol >.<

    Oh man, the idea of them sharing stories is so funny, God, the things they'd say about me; "He wore me for 12 days *sobs* 12 DAYS GODDAMNIT!!"

    *Big nudie, um, socky hugs*…?!

    Rohan.

  10. Love this ;) Maybe the socks aren’t trying to escape from you, but escape from their other half… Maybe, just maybe, you are providing them with the perfect alibi of the washing machine, to make their bid for freedom… I have many lonesome socks, who have been jilted on the altar of my washing machine, So I did what anyone else would do and set up a dating basket for all my odd socks, pairing them indiscriminately with others and if that fails, they get impregnated with a tennis ball and given to one of my dogs…

  11. Pingback: 5×5 With The Hook: Miss Four Eyes | You've Been Hooked!

  12. Oh, the horrors! The flashbacks of missing socks and colours gone awry. There should be some crafty thing we can do to make use of all those odd, unusable socks. I like to walk around with them on my hands and dust with them. Then I feel it is OK to finally throw them away.

  13. The Hook convinced me to find out why your socks are criminal and I can only say my socks are a nightmare! 7 children who never can match a pair… it’s utter chaos, but now I sit back and say, at least they are all white socks! LOL

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