Relationships

10 Reasons I’m Going on a Date with the First Beard I See.

Valentine’s day is less than a week away and my friends have been offering to set me up with their cousins (read: people that could be serial killers, but they wouldn’t know since they aren’t that close). You know it’s time to get out there when people use the words ‘blind date’ and ‘my cousin’ in the same sentence. For various reasons–personal safety from questionable relatives being one of many–I’ve decided to put myself out there. I’m going to date the first bearded man I see. Why? Because:

  1. Beards are awesome.
  2. They’re easy to spot.
  3. It makes you look like a badass. Like “I am taking a stand against shaving, I don’t care what the world thinks!”
  4. It looks scary in the dark, so I never have to worry about getting mugged. You’ll be able to scare them off with a twitch of your eyebrow.
  5. Little crumbs get stuck in the beard when you’re eating. It’s like a fun little after snack.
  6. When you’re at the movies, you can hide chocolate covered raisins and M&M’s in a beard.
  7. Stroking it while gazing out into space makes you look so much smarter, even if you’re just thinking about the different ways you can eat a hotdog.
  8. Your opinions are more valued.
    Do I look fat in this
  9. It is perfect to cuddle up to. It’s like a teddy bear on your face.
    Cuddle beard 2
  10. Gandalf was sexy, and you know it.

As for the serial killer part, I think I’ll take my chances for a sexy beard.

How do you feel about beards? Did you think Gandalf was sexy?

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107 thoughts on “10 Reasons I’m Going on a Date with the First Beard I See.

  1. Oh if only I could post a pic of my Mr. S …he’s a slimmer version of Bruce Willis and now he has a goatee..which prickles like hell mind, but it’s growing on me…well him…ok enough from me…and hiding M & M’s is a great idea ;-)

  2. I do like beards on certain guys, like that guy on that old Star Trek show – he was hot. Then again, I like nicely trimmed beards, not like those freaks on that Duck Dynasty show – no Rip Van Winkles. Except Gandalf, cause he could totally do magic stuff for me.

  3. Uhm…I do not usually like beards but some guys totally Rock with facial hair ie..Timothy Olyphant, Robert Downy Jr, or Hugh Jackman! OMG! However, I prefer a clean shave on my man. Anything on his face ages him by years! And bald!! Wowee…Vin Diesel?? yep yep yep!! LOL! Have a great Monday! :-)

    • Yes! I like bald men too! They don’t need hair to feel confident, it’s hot. And beards, they can turn the average nerd into a super hunk.

      You too, Courtney, have a wonderful day :)

  4. You never know if the beard is hiding some horrifying scar that will lead to questions about his secret history and all the adventures he could tell you about but then have to kill you. So, yes, bears rock.

  5. To be completely honest, I’m not a huge beard fan. Like, I don’t hate them, but I don’t go out of my way to seek them on a man’s face. They’re too scratchy for me. If chinchilla beards existed, I’d be all over it.

  6. Ahahahahahahaha! i love reason numbers five and six. 2 hours into the movie, your hands will still be going through his beard, checking if you missed an M&M in the dense vegetation…

  7. My beard is not-so-secretly applauding you right now. Also, it told me to tell you that if we ever meet you can high-five it (which is ok, because I probably deserve that even if it has nothing to do with you).

  8. My urge to grow a beard has never been stronger. Gandalf is pretty awesome, but since I don’t swing that way I’ll reserve from calling him sexy, attractive for sure (I can admit that).

    I don’t grow a beard deliberatly so much as I’m just lazy and don’t want to shave. It comes in pretty well sometimes.

  9. hiding chocolate candy in the beard has to be the best thing – my hope would be that some get lost and then later, when we’re having a bad day, it just falls out and makes everything seem just a bit better :)

  10. Uh….yeah! Movember is my favorite time of year. LOVE me some manscruff. Have you seen that meme going around, it says: I’ll never chase a man, but if he has muscles and tattoos, a bitch might just power-walk. (this is on a photo of Charlie Hunnam = bearded hottie!)
    YES.

  11. Um… Gandalf wasn’t sexy. And beards definitely aren’t sexy. All scratchy and itchy and one more thing to have to manage. Blah!

    *crying* Okay, you called my bluff. I’m just jealous I can’t grow a proper one.

  12. My husband has a beard. He actually named it. Facebear. Facebear is my nemesis. Facebear gives me a rash. Don’t go out with a beard, they suck. It just means the guy is too insecure to show his face.

  13. Pingback: Revis and Matticus Save The Kingdom, Chapter 22 « 33 Grams of Blog

  14. I like sporting a beard sometimes. My wife hates them, so it’s not too often. You’re truly a riot (and again, your doodle girl is precious; she reminds me of my beautiful niece Ariel). I’m hooked. I’m following! Thanks for diggin’ on my latest, btw!

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