Life and Other Funny Things

Reasons Being a Supervillain Would Rock

Ever since I was a little kid I wanted superpowers. I wanted to fly, disappear, and lift objects with just my mind. I even asked Santa for superpowers one year. All I got was a pair of glasses. Blurry vision is not a superpower, Santa!

Years later and I still really want superpowers. Only this time, I want to be a supervillain! Sure superheroes are great and everything, but it’s just not for me. I want to be a bad guy, the baddest of them all! Bad guys are rich, ambitious, dangerous, and a whole lot of badass.

Reasons being a supervillain would rock:

  1. You get to do the evil laugh whenever you want. Foiled a superhero’s plans? Mwahaha! Sabotaged the neighbor’s morning by taking their newspaper? Mwahahaha! 15% off toilet paper at the supermarket that nobody but you knows about? Mwhahahahaaa!
    Mwhaha
  2. You get to scheme evil plans. You can make it rain mouthwash and convert all the internet connections in the world to dial-up! Or worse still, you could get Justin Bieber to collaborate with One Direction and sing all night long! Mwhahaa!
  3. Minions! You get awesome little dudes to help you do evil things. They’ll wait on you hand and foot and they’ll love you like you’re a god. They’re cute and evil all at the same time, the deadliest combination. What more do you need?
    Minions
  4. You’ll have an excuse to wear loud, ridiculous costumes. Also, your costume won’t involve wearing your underwear on the outside.You can wear whatever you want, whenever you want! Never again do you have to go to work in a stuffy suit and tie. You can wear the most crazy, outrageous things‒or even nothing at all‒while the rest of the world just has to deal with it! One snide comment and you’ll blast them with your ray gun.
  5. You get better theme music. Think Darth Vader.
  6. You’d be the most famous person in the universe. Since masked vigilantes like their privacy, in a world with superheroes and villains, you’d be instagramed more than a sunset.
  7. You get your own planet. Like seriously, every supervillain is entitled to one. Look up the Supervillain Property Ownership Rights of 1989 and Supervillain Civil Rights Act of 1970.
  8. You get to speak in monologues. And the whole world just seems to pause for a moment while you finish.
  9. Death rays. Need I say more?
  10. You get to hack into national broadcasts and say anything you want. It doesn’t even have to be important. It could just be “Poop on a popsicle!” or “I declare today as National Backed Up Toilet Day!”
  11. You never have to be stuck in traffic again. You know all those people honking in traffic jams like they’re going to make all the cars magically disappear with a series of annoying noises? Well, now you’ve got a more exciting way to make traffic magically disappear.
    Car Explode

What do you guys think? Do you want to be a superhero or a supervillain?!

 

*My friend the Schizoid gave me the idea for this post and helped me get rid of some terrible writer’s block, he’s the best.

74 thoughts on “Reasons Being a Supervillain Would Rock

    • Right?! I don’t want all those adoring fans following me around all the time! Plus wearing the superhero costume under your regular clothes seems like too much work.

    • Teleporting would be fun! The evil things we could plan! I’d tap someone on the back and disappear knowing that he’ll spend the rest of the day looking over his shoulder. Mwahaha!

  1. It’s not just Vader: the Daleks, Magneto, Two-Face, Dr. Horrible….all the villains get cool theme music. Also, you can call yourself doctor. Like Dr. Horrible, Dr. Doom, Dr. Light….by contrast, you don’t see too many superheroes with doctorates.

  2. I like the idea of blasting someone who’s annoying me. Of course, then I’d be a serial killer, but who could stop me?

  3. Villain all the way!! I always loved Catwoman and Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. In fact, before I decided I didn’t want kids, I wanted to have a baby girl and name her Harley Quinn. LOL

  4. I have always wanted to be a Supervillain because I’m damn sure I can be one. People do say that I am quite evil! Muahahaha.
    The ability to blow people up is a huge necessity. Too many annoying people are out there that need to be dealt with.

  5. I used to think that I wanted to be a hero in the DC Universe (fewer personal problems), but you make a compelling argument for being a villain. I need to think this through.

  6. “You’ll have an excuse to wear loud, ridiculous costumes.” There must have been a large number of supervillains around in the 1970s. Maybe something to do with the Supervillain Civil Rights Act of 1970? Certainly plenty of people dressed as if they came from another planet.

  7. I like the evil smile on your doodles. And I think the universe gave you bad eyesight on purpose, because who knows, proper eye sight might have resulted in death rays. In that sense those glasses you were are like the ones Cyclops wears from X-men, controlling the deathly glare of your eyes!

  8. I will be the super invisible hero and nobody will know all about me. Tee hee… I like you evil eyes than can obliterate traffice. Mwaaa ha ha ha ha

  9. Do you mean ‘all night long…’ as in dusk until dawn, or as in the song?

    Because frankly Lionel Ritchie deserves better.

    Then again, I suppose that’s the purpose of a supervillain in the first place.

  10. I would be a hero. The world needs more true heroes; besides, I tend to be reclusive and low key. My super power would be to rewire the brains of malevolent idiots, turning them into beings of Compassion and Reason. Pretty lame, huh? But then again, I would be the last hero the world would ever need (at least until the last moron had been converted). Adorable doodles, as always!

  11. hmmm…these are some really good reasons to sway one to supervillianism! I’m especially taken by the idea of not having to wear underwear on the outside! Although, that is kind of fun to do from time to time :)

    As usual, your posts make me happy! :)

  12. A supervillian for sure. Bad guys are always more fun. The good ones are always moping about their powers. Bad guys get out there and use them to blow shit up. It’s great. I have way too many plans for what I would do – I can safely say that there would be a lot of blown up heads lying around.

    Maybe it’s good I don’t have superpowers. For THEM, bwahahaha.

    P.S. I want a box of evil things, please.

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