Dear men of the world,
I think we need to talk. No, no, I’m not breaking up with you. We just really need to talk.
I am an awkward person, men of the world. Really very awkward. I find daily conversations very difficult to carry. So please, when you ask me out don’t tell me that you want to kiss my beautiful toes or that I’ve got sexy knees. It makes me uncomfortable. I think it’s weird to say that to people. Which is not to say that your advances aren’t appreciated (as is your persistence after I repeatedly tell you that I do not want to groove with you). They are, I am very flattered. But I still think you’re weird. Also, just FYI, don’t call women sexy to their faces. We know we’re sexy. We’ve got the best body parts of the human anatomy. But objectifying us like that will get you nowhere. (Unless we’re drunk and depressed, in which case, go for it)
Another thing, men of the world, please get smarter. I do not like to be asked out on a date to go for cooffy. It’s C-O-F-F-E-E, and its only six letters. I’m not asking for much, just that you learn to spell six letter words, or that you learn to use your phone’s spell check. I mean, if I am willing to overlook that fact that you ask me out via texts, with dozens of incomprehensible acronyms, then the least you can do is spell the little words right.
Also, men of the world, you do not own me. I am not your possession. I am NOT an object that you can possess. Okay? So are we cool? Awesome!
P.S. I know I’m not a dude, so I won’t understand your fashion styles. But do I need to see your boxers every time you sit/stand/move? What’s with that? After I’ve seen your pink boxers, I am not wondering what’s inside them, but rather what you were thinking when you bought them.