I used to be the fat girl. Make no mistake, THE fat girl, not A fat girl. There’s a difference, and unless you were either one, you won’t understand.
All my life, it was my excuse for everything. Why dress up? I’m going to look bad anyway. Why bother trying so-and-so sport? I’m going to suck at it anyway. There just wasn’t a point to doing anything, I simply wasn’t good enough.
I’d scroll through catalogues of Victoria’s Secret (yeah, go ahead laugh, I do) and wish with everything I had that I could be half as pretty as they were. Pictures of my friends at the beach made me sad; I could never wear a bikini like that.
Finally I realized that I wasn’t going to be happy until I did something about it. I wanted to wear a bikini dammit, and nobody could stop me. All those people who’ve called me names and judged me for being fat would see.
I lost most of all the extra weight in one year, and I felt amazing. After a much needed shopping spree (I lost 5 sizes!), I looked pretty great too.
But it wasn’t that society was finally accepting me. It was that I was finally accepting myself. It felt good to be me. Now, I love getting dressed up, I love to feel pretty. All those years the little girl inside me couldn’t feel pretty because they didn’t make the dresses I wanted in my size. Now, I don’t have to go to the back to find XL. It feels so good!
But, I realized that there are some things you don’t realize unless you’re fat.
- I learnt to love my body. I know what it was like before, and now it looks so much better. I see my skinny friend slapping her imaginary thigh fat and complaining about how fat she is, and feel bad for her. She will never know how lucky she is. A model-like body may be unattainable, but the one you’ve got is pretty darn good too.
- They really are just numbers on a scale. It doesn’t matter what that number is.
- You will not understand what a joy it is to pick up a size at a store and find that it’s too big for you. It’s better than getting high.
- People without fast metabolisms are so unbelievably lucky, they don’t even know. The things I would give to eat French fries and ice cream……(don’t give me that look, try it, it’s amazing!)
- I learnt that in the end, as sad as it may be, people do judge you for the way you look. I am still the same person I was before, but people are different towards me now.
- There’s no point getting prettied up for anyone else. I do it for me.
- It’s not that you can’t run fast because you’re fat, it’s that you can’t run fast because you’re slow. (Just for the record, I am a really fast walker. Really fast. I can walk faster than I run.)
- You don’t lose weight from your ankles.
- Fear of pencil heels doesn’t go away. (Let me explain. Being a heavy person, I never thought those tiny things would be able to hold me, I’m still not convinced.)
So, here’s to everyone battling weight problems. But if you’re doing it for someone else, don’t. Do it for yourself. Do it because you want to be healthy. Do it because you want to be able to love yourself the way your friends and family love you. Good luck 🙂
P.S. Since we’re on the topic, ladies weight loss will make your breasts shrink. Nobody told me. Crying into your no longer supportive C-cup will do no good.