They told me that yoga would help me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
I believed them. I mean, so many people have practiced it for centuries, they’ve gotta have some sense right? And I really need it. Maybe not spiritually, but mentally for sure. I am an anxious person. I worry about the littlest things. I assure you that before posting this, I have read it at least three times to make sure that it didn’t have any spelling or grammatical mistakes, or that I don’t sound stupid (which I generally tend to do anyway)
I took yoga to relax. To let go, and just be. (Read that while imagining yourself floating on water. Ahhh)
I can’t just be.
My class is at 6 am. 6 AM!! That means I have to get up at around 5, brush my teeth, make coffee, and finally settle myself on the crapper. That is not relaxing. In fact, I was so worried about my first class that I accidentally got up at 2 am (and then at 4) thinking that my alarm wasn’t working again and it was time to leave.
The drive up to the building fills me with dread every time. They have 3 different instructors. So at any given day I could get any one of them. I worry about who I’ll get while I drive.
My first day, I had the male instructor. He was scary. He didn’t like me very much. I’m as flexible as a #2 pencil, so I was like his problem child. The next morning I was in so much pain I couldn’t move the whole day. He brings back bad memories of my elementary school P.E. coach. I hate P.E. coaches*.
Then there’s yoga instructor 2.0. She keeps forgetting the charges for the classes, and tells me different numbers every day. I liked her better than the man, until yesterday that is. She wanted me to hang upside down from a rope. Are you even beginning to comprehend the situation?? She wanted me to HANG UPSIDE DOWN from a ROPE! Go on, she said, it’s easy! Like swinging! It is most defiantly not like swinging. I think she’s one of those pot smoking hippies.
I haven’t met the third instructor yet, but I heard she loves to inflict pain! (insert screaming lady in background) (why is it that the screamers in background music are always women? Isn’t that a little discriminating? Why don’t the poor men get to scream?) (okay, insert screaming man in background)
Then there’s always obsessing over whether I will be able to do the asanas or not. And whether people watching me are secretly laughing. That is why I stand next to a 70 year old woman. She can’t do the asanas very well either. It makes me feel better about myself.
My class is weird! The whole damn group. They can’t make their hands touch behind their backs, but hanging upside down from a [CENSORED] rope is like a [CENSORED] piece of cake!! What the [CENSORED]?!
All in all I love yoga! 😀
*If you are a P.E. coach and you’re reading this, I don’t hate you. I think you’re pretty awesome. Unless you tell me to run, or worse if you tell me to run faster. I will hate you then. I do NOT run. At all. Ever.