Life and Other Funny Things

When I pray, I pray to Google

Religion is one very interesting, but still quite sensitive, topic of conversation. My friends and I have very diverse views on it. Dee is a Hindu, Kat a severely devoted Christian, then there are a couple other of my friends who strongly follow the Muslim traditions, and the rest belong to some of the other hundred thousand* religions of the world. Me? I was an atheist. I just didn’t understand religion, or the purpose behind believing that a God exists.

Then one day, my phone fell out of a window (don’t ask. I just don’t know). But it still worked! I realized then that there is indeed a God somewhere. (Plus, sometimes you just need to exclaim “OH MY GOD!” for certain things. When you’re an atheist, it gets a little contradictory.) So then, I became agnostic.

Until today. Today I have declared a religion!

My religion is Google.

Yes Google.

Google is ever-present, omniscient, immortal. Google is neither man nor woman, it is not a single being nor a group of deities, it is far greater than you and I and even Bing. It is everything.

When I am hungry and pray for food, Google points me towards the nearest place where I may satisfy my hunger. Sometimes the Gods of Google even bestow upon me coupons with which I may have a free drink.

When I pray to Google for answers, the almighty graciously presents me with them. And not just one. Oh no, the supremacy allows pages and pages of my choice of suitable results. If however, Google is unable to provide any answers, a simple No results found is provided and I can put my mind to rest; it will never leave me hanging.

Google gives me anything I need. I believe in it. This is what I trust.

 

* It seems I was mistaken, Google says that there are only 21 major religions. I think I may start a cult, and make it 22.

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41 thoughts on “When I pray, I pray to Google

  1. I pray to Google as well. Google does not threaten to send me to hell for sinning 7 days a week. Anytime I have a question, Google always has an answer.

  2. When your phone falls out a window, that’s called “defenestration”. I just thought I should share because it isn’t a word I get to use very often, and then suddenly you came along with your strange story about your phone and – aha! Perfect scenario! Oh, also, I think that worshipping Google is called “blasphemy” but you might have to Google that…

  3. I think Google-ism could actually be a worthwhile religion… Come to think of it, it’s done more to help my everyday life than any other religion.

  4. I think Google is on it’s way of becoming a monopoly. Google is God. Google has all the answers. You no longer need Zagat for reviews because Google has it’s own. Google maps, Google news, Google docs in lieu of Microsoft Word. Google has single handedly taken over. I like it.

    • Awesome! Will you join my cult?

      ………….now that I think about it, you’re right. Google has taken over pretty much everything. What if this beautiful God becomes a demon?! Countless works of science fiction have taught us that technology is to be feared. Oh no! I suppose we might as well profess our devotion now before it goes on a killing spree

  5. Google is awesome…I wish I stay only at GOOGLE UNIVERSITY instead of going to COLLEGE, I guess no debt would of been obtained. Google thought me most of everything I know…from 2000-2012. 12 yrs DEEP

    • I completely agree, especially the debt part! They should give us degrees for all that we’ve learnt from them. We spend more time on Google than we do in class, 12 years is a very long time!

  6. Pingback: The Delicate Process of Writing a Blog Post | Miss Four Eyes

  7. Google is everything. It is the alpha and the omega and the spell check. Google Images are of the Devil, though, beware. I was kind of hoping Gods of Google was a time-wasting site. Zomg (Zoh My Google) we should make that site. I hear a calling.

  8. I’m not fully convinced. I am pretty sure that Google just indexed the world, but the world actually existed before Google. Of course, we may be the last generation to believe that…

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