So heres the thing, I know you all think that when I say I’m a nerd I really mean that in an ironic way. You probably think that the glasses are just to distract you from my party girl persona. But the truth is, the glasses are very much prescription, a result of staring at computer screens for too long, not from staying out late partying. I really am a nerd, I can’t help it.
My friend Kat has taken to her head that I must go clubbing.
I’ve never been clubbing before, so I figured I’d get some advice from an experienced friend. He texted me:
I jus go 2 a club thts always popin u knw n I stick 2 it evn if its nt thtt good nways 2 hav a good time always b wichu homies u knw
Ohh yes the most imprtnt ting for us is we get wasted outa our minds hahahaahaha well at a point were we can control our shiitt. Hahahaahahah n make sure u knw hw 2 shake tht ass
(After decoding the text with a group of analysts) Here are my notes:
- Get homies (perhaps create posse?)
- Find popin club
- Get wasted, but control shit.
- Shake butt.
- Learn how to shake butt without looking like an idiot.
I got some more advice from another friend. I see now that advice from girls and advice from guys varies immensely
- Dress like a slug (she used another word, but I’m too much of a lady to use it) but don’t be a slug.
- Drinking makes guys cuter.
- Drinking will make the pain of high heels go away.
- Don’t lose yourself to alcohol.
- Don’t let him grope you.
- If someone touches your boobs while you’re dancing, shout at them.
- Don’t tweet anything.
- Don’t take your top off, it’s cheap.
I had several follow up question for her (Why on earth is anyone taking their top off?! Isn’t it understood that it needs to be ON?!), but I don’t think I really want to know.
Since she frightened me so much, I went to the one person I knew would make the nightmares go away: Mom.
- Don’t go clubbing
- We can bake cookies at home
Cookies?! I LOVE cookies!