Last week I went to visit my new niece. You know what that means? That means I’m an aunt. I’m Aunt Four Eyes. That also means I’m old.
I am nearly two decades older than the girl. I am sooooo old!!
This feels weird. I mean, when did I get so old? How? I was the KID. Nobody used to take me seriously (not that anyone does now). And now all of a sudden I’m an aunt. Someone to look up to. I’ll be the one in the car instead of the one waiting for it. When did all of this happen? Where was I?
This kid is going to look up to me. I have to set an example. How the hell am I supposed to do that? If you knew the number of times a day I did something really stupid, you’d tell me to stay far far away from young impressionable minds. I am NOT a suitable person to be looked up to. Just no, okay?
I find myself in a room of kids, playing with hotwheels or barbies and someone will yell out “Just look after the kids for a bit while I run down to the store”. I keep waiting for the adult in the room to answer, but then I realize that they’re talking to me. I’m the adult. I’m the one who’s supposed to keep everyone out of trouble. I’m the one that needs to make sure none of the kids accidentally stab themselves with a knife in the kitchen. I’m the responsible one. I can’t laugh when someone says they need to pee, I’m the one who has to take them!
And if I really am an adult, then where are all my adult privileges? Where is my apartment? Where is my 401k? Why don’t I file taxes? Why do I still hear the “You’ll understand when you’re older”? How come I’m not allowed to get out at 3 am and buy beer just because I can?
I’m stuck right in the middle. It’s the worst place to be. Young enough to be laughed at for not knowing better. Old enough for frightening responsibilities. Young enough to hold someone’s hand while crossing the road. Old enough to hold someone’s hand while crossing the road.
Why don’t I feel like I’ve grown up? I feel little. I feel completely inadequate. It seems everyone around me is moving so fast. And I’m just stuck……here. Where ever that is.
Here comes the quarter-life crisis once again. This should be fun.