I was at my Pregnancy Fetish Friend’s (why don’t you take a guess why I call her that) place last night. We were in her room doing things that girls do when they’re alone – you know, manicures, pillow fights in our underwear, experimental make out sessions, that kind of stuff . I went to use the bathroom, and just as I was getting comfortable something hisses at me. My first thought is her little brother playing a prank. I jump up making sure I’m decent and throw the shower curtain back.
It was worse than the scene from Psycho. In the half full tub was a striped reptile. It was just staring at me hissing, I could see all of his pointy little teeth. My Pregnancy Fetish Friend calls from outside, “Don’t pull back the curtain”. Damn right don’t pull back the curtain, couldn’t you have told me sooner?!
I come out, having forgotten about my body’s needs. “There is a reptile in your tub.” I tell her. You see. I come from a place where people do not have reptiles in their tubs. In fact, where I live pets are only of the cute and cuddly variety. Snakes, tarantulas, gerbils all belong in zoos.
“Oh, yeah, his name is Bob. He’s a dwarf caiman.” she says.
So Bob is my Pregnancy Fetish Friend’s new pet. She and her brother can’t shower anymore because Bob lives in the tub. The disturbing part is that you are now thinking about how long two people can go without showering, rather than the fact that a dangerous creature is living in their tub. But that’s okay, we can still be friends.
She said no pictures of Bob
because he might get angry and charge out of the tub to bite me because he was getting his beauty sleep.