Life and Other Funny Things

There’s a reptile in your tub

I was at my Pregnancy Fetish Friend’s (why don’t you take a guess why I call her that) place last night. We were in her room doing things that girls do when they’re alone – you know, manicures, pillow fights in our underwear, experimental make out sessions, that kind of stuff . I went to use the bathroom, and just as I was getting comfortable something hisses at me. My first thought is her little brother playing a prank. I jump up making sure I’m decent and throw the shower curtain back.


It was worse than the scene from Psycho. In the half full tub was a striped reptile. It was just staring at me hissing, I could see all of his pointy little teeth. My Pregnancy Fetish Friend calls from outside, “Don’t pull back the curtain”. Damn right don’t pull back the curtain, couldn’t you have told me sooner?!

I come out, having forgotten about my body’s needs. “There is a reptile in your tub.” I tell her. You see. I come from a place where people do not have reptiles in their tubs. In fact, where I live pets are only of the cute and cuddly variety. Snakes, tarantulas, gerbils all belong in zoos.

“Oh, yeah, his name is Bob. He’s a dwarf caiman.” she says.

So Bob is my Pregnancy Fetish Friend’s  new pet. She and her brother can’t shower anymore because Bob lives in the tub. The disturbing part is that you are now thinking about how long two people can go without showering, rather than the fact that a dangerous creature is living in their tub. But that’s okay, we can still be friends.

Caiman not in tub

Pictured: Tub in which Bob resides
Not pictured: Bob

She said no pictures of Bob because he might get angry and charge out of the tub to bite me because he was getting his beauty sleep.


28 thoughts on “There’s a reptile in your tub

    • I’ve learnt that when someone says not to look you really just don’t want to look. Some things can never be unseen! But that’s okay, since she once got flashed by a homeless man because of me. So I guess now we’re even.
      There will definitely be more Tails from the Tub! Love that title 🙂

  1. That’s a traumatising thing to have happen to you when trying to relieve yourself! Hope you’re not emotionally scarred for life.

  2. Everyone talks about getting the piss scared out of them. No one ever says anything about getting the piss scared back up, which might be more common.

    Lizards aren’t so bad. I don’t know much about caimans, but I like iguanas and bearded dragons. However, you should have been told before you entered the potty that you would not be alone. And they need to get a nice terrarium for poor Bob.

    • Don’t worry, they’re working out a better place for Bob. First, they thought of having him near the dinning table, you know so he wouldn’t feel left out. But then her grandma freaked, then Bob freaked out because grandma freaked out, then everybody else freaked out. So for now he’s in the tub. I think her little brother wants Bob as his room mate, which is nice.

  3. I don’t think that I’ll be taking a guess as to why, because let’s face it, I’ll be wrong and it’ll be embarrassing and turn messy. I am also glad to know that what I thought girls do alone is actually the truth, who would have thought that?

    So this was in August, is Bob still in the tub and have your friends showered?

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