Life and Other Funny Things

Intriguing Men

I was at a little café last night attempting to look smart, busy, and sexy while rapidly typing very long sentences on my computer regardless of whether or not anything made sense because I forgot everything about my assignment and was trying very hard not to freak out but failing (at everything but the sexy part, of course)

I looked up, and in a very old-time romance film kinda way the fog cleared and there he was, sitting at the table across from me, reading a book with glasses perched on his sharp nose. Sigh.

When the coke-head finally left and I could see clearer. He was reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Every intention of talking to him completely evaporated (just like the coke-head’s pot), but only for a second.

What I thought:

  • Is he stoned?
  • Is he taking pointers? For a girlfriend maybe?
  • Do men like that kinda stuff?
  • Is he one of them?! (the S&M guys, I mean)
  • Is it like porn on the go?
  • Does he not know about the free (and much better) porn on the internet?

Whatever it was, I was intrigued. Only a very secure man would read a book like that in public. The coke-head was back with a fresh joint, and my head was getting fuzzier. Every second that passed made want to get up, grab the book out of his long sexy fingers and demand that he tell me why he was reading that book. My inner goddess was flipping through her copy of Fifty Shades so that she could describe the hot things he could do to me, while my subconscious just tsk-tsked at the coke-head.

Dog collar

Get your head out of Ana Steel’s privates, it’s just a dog collar

His phone rang, startling me. He answered “No, Larry. It’s a long fucking book………… No………………. No………..I swear to God, Larry, you owe me big time.”

I wondered what that meant. Fresh thoughts entered my otherwise empty head, and I had to exhale sharply to get rid of them. God forbid I let myself think.

“Larry, I’ll tell you about it when I finish…………………………Fuck, Larry, I don’t know why women like this stuff!………………..No, I don’t know if Susan will like it.”

After a lot of inappropriate eavesdropping I found out that Mr. Glasses Perched On Sharp Nose is Larry’s personal assistant. Believe it or not, Boss Larry wanted Assistant Sharp Nose to read Fifty Shades in order to be able to please his wife. I do not know who will pleasing the wife, I just hope neither of them uses that book as a guide. Jeez, things might get so hot.

Rihanna S&M

Poor Susan. Ropes AND big yellow polka dots.

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43 thoughts on “Intriguing Men

    • All you have to do is go wandering off in search of suspicious looking cafes and ensure that you have gotten rid of all concern for personal safety. Specifically, any place that smells funny, that’s where all the good stuff happens 😀

  1. Here’s my concern. Mr. Glasses Perched On Sharp Nose is at home when his phone rings. A frazzled Larry insists Mr. Glasses Perched On Sharp Nose get out the book and turn it to page ?? and read it to him over the phone. “I wanna make sure I’m doing this right. Susan’s getting a leg cramp and I have all of this hot candle wax. Oh god, the rattlesnake just took a swipe at Susan! What do I do?”

      • Hehe, Larry does sound like the kind of person who would be afraid of airplanes. “Did you read it? What do I do now? What if the plane blows up?! Oh man, I think that guy in the front is a terrorist! Oh no. The flight attendant is looking at me. I shouldn’t have said terrorist! She’s coming over and there’s a very large man with her, he’s got handcuffs!” But I guess it’ll be okay, since Larry likes handcuffs

        • “Women are their own worst enemies. And guilt is the main weapon of self-torture…Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man”…..hehe

  2. Wow, he was an intriguing man indeed! I think you made the right decision in letting him go, though. You never know how much he secretly enjoyed the S&M element of the book, despite him claiming that he didn’t like it to his boss. Better safe than spanked!

    • Tom, that is the best advice I’ve ever heard! Better safe than spanked! I’ll be using this all the time! Quit your job? It’s okay, better safe than spanked!
      …..maybe not ALL the time

    • Me too. But you never now these days with all the creepy fetishes around, this guy might have a sort of ‘reading to boss’ fetish. Or he’s completely normal and just really needs the job in this economy

  3. When I started reading your post I thought “maybe he’s reading it like I read it. With a slight feeling of nausea and endless snarking fodder for blog posts.” I had a tiny happy moment when it turned out I was a bit right.

  4. Ha, just stumbled over this one. I dunno about you, but I think the whole “read sex books for your boss so he can screw his wife” is stretching the “and other duties as assigned.” Maybe I’m wrong here . . .

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