I was at a little café last night attempting to look smart, busy, and sexy while rapidly typing very long sentences on my computer regardless of whether or not anything made sense because I forgot everything about my assignment and was trying very hard not to freak out but failing (at everything but the sexy part, of course)
I looked up, and in a very old-time romance film kinda way the fog cleared and there he was, sitting at the table across from me, reading a book with glasses perched on his sharp nose. Sigh.
When the coke-head finally left and I could see clearer. He was reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Every intention of talking to him completely evaporated (just like the coke-head’s pot), but only for a second.
What I thought:
- Is he stoned?
- Is he taking pointers? For a girlfriend maybe?
- Do men like that kinda stuff?
- Is he one of them?! (the S&M guys, I mean)
- Is it like porn on the go?
- Does he not know about the free (and much better) porn on the internet?
Whatever it was, I was intrigued. Only a very secure man would read a book like that in public. The coke-head was back with a fresh joint, and my head was getting fuzzier. Every second that passed made want to get up, grab the book out of his long sexy fingers and demand that he tell me why he was reading that book. My inner goddess was flipping through her copy of Fifty Shades so that she could describe the hot things he could do to me, while my subconscious just tsk-tsked at the coke-head.
His phone rang, startling me. He answered “No, Larry. It’s a long fucking book………… No………………. No………..I swear to God, Larry, you owe me big time.”
I wondered what that meant. Fresh thoughts entered my otherwise empty head, and I had to exhale sharply to get rid of them. God forbid I let myself think.
“Larry, I’ll tell you about it when I finish…………………………Fuck, Larry, I don’t know why women like this stuff!………………..No, I don’t know if Susan will like it.”
After a lot of inappropriate eavesdropping I found out that Mr. Glasses Perched On Sharp Nose is Larry’s personal assistant. Believe it or not, Boss Larry wanted Assistant Sharp Nose to read Fifty Shades in order to be able to please his wife. I do not know who will pleasing the wife, I just hope neither of them uses that book as a guide. Jeez, things might get so hot.