Hello, Someone. Nice to meet you.

My Engaged Friend said to me that I should date more, she wants me to find a nice guy and settle down. Of course she does. She’s been so cheerful it’s like Pollyanna on crack, now she wants the whole world to be happy. Which is a nice thought, but it gets me riled up (because I’m cynical, not because I’m a lesbian. Just thought I should clear that up). I will find someone nice when I meet someone nice. It’s not as easy as ‘the crowds parted, our eyes met, and we lived happily ever after’. I mean, surely it isn’t. Is it?

Nearly everyone I know is in a relationship or are happily married. Now I have no intention of getting married in the near to distant future, but how is it so easy for people to find that someone? Not just someone, someone you can trust and love and be yourself with. Someone who you’d do anything for, someone you know would do the same for you.

I tried to explain to her that men I meet aren’t interested in me. And the ones that are (bless them), end up being sorely disappointed later since I try to use the line “I come from the land of the Kama Sutra” within 10 minutes of talking to them (what? If you could say that, tell me you wouldn’t!)

None of this was convincing her. So I thought I’d do what I do best. Diagrams. Everything is better when you put it in a graphical easy-to-read format*!

People of the world

(click to enlarge)

The green boxes are people I could potentially date. As we start eliminating people from the red boxes there is only one tiny box left. Then after that there’s always specifics, like he should know how to cook, he needs to speak English, or he has to know how to tie his shoelaces, stuff like that. There really aren’t many options in the end. Sadly, these guys aren’t arranged in a graphical easy-to-read format when I meet them. Who knows where in the world that one person from that little green box is right now. He could be having a tea party with penguins in Antarctica for all I know.

Penguin tea party

God I hope he isn’t having a tea party with penguins in Antarctica!

*Note sarcasm


63 thoughts on “Hello, Someone. Nice to meet you.

  1. Yep, you’ve narrowed it down. The nice good looking ones, that do the cooking and ironing are gay… The other quarter are married..Then there’s the others that love them selves, so wouldn’t have time to love you. You have the Timothy’s that still live at home and Mummy does everything for them. Looking at it, perhaps your better getting a xx00xx

    Mollie and Alfie

  2. kama sutra works. i have a membership card. seriously, i do. as for ironing and domesticity, if we were friends on facebook, you’d have seen a post about the four dozen butter cookies i made this past weekend. oh, and the pork chops i cooked too. they were great.

    as for meeting someone, sure ain’t easy. there’s lots of compromise necessary, and it often comes back to haunt you. at least three times a week you’ll stop and ask yourself, “is this really better than being single?” and each time you ask, you’ll never be sure of the answer.

  3. If you figure out some sort of answer to this, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I am even more discouraged than normal with the dating scene. I saw 301 walking into his apartment with a very obvious girlfriend last night. WHY?!!

  4. I’ve been married almost 14 years. And sometimes I think – why didn’t I just go with a penguin? Thing Two was in love with Pablo the Penguin from the Backyardigans cartoon series for about four years. We were pretty sure for a while there that we were going to have a mixed – very mixed – marriage. And married people want you to get married so they can share the misery. Love. I meant love.

  5. Miss Four Eyes – I know it can seem like you are so far from finding the right guy, but he does exist and is out there thinking and possibly lamenting through his own blog the same fate. Hollywood and the Hallmark Channel always script the perfect relationship within a two hour block and usually we can see it all coming a mile away. Real life is never so easy or straight forward.

    Do not despair, just stay true to the desires of your heart for the right guy and soon I believe you will stumble on to him. After he finishes his Penguin tea party that is!

  6. But when the crowd parted and our eyes met across the room it was happily ever after. Wasn’t it? WASN’T IT?!

    Oh right, I forgot I fall into the giant red category of “women”, and you do too on my not-published graph, dammit…

    And you should totally hope that he’s having a tea party with penguins. Because that means, a) he can talk to animals! Dr. Dolittle anyone?! b) he has enough money to go to Antartica (what up!) and c) well, he’s obviously friendly, and that must mean he has a kickin’ social life and would be able to hold a conversation.
    Also, he can make tea, so really, who needs someone who can cook food? Isn’t that what British people would say?

    • Haha! Sometimes they do look at me like I’m going to cut out their insides. Most of the time though, it’s just leads to unrealistic expectations and a lot of disappointment 😦

  7. There’s geek dating site, called appropriately enough, geek 2 geek. If I were to ever do the online dating thing, I think I would go to them.

    Just sayin’. You know, if you wanted to find that special geek just for you.

  8. Why do engaged/married people make it their mission in life to hook all their friends up?
    I never did that and I never will!
    Good luck on your quest, young lady. You deserve the best!

  9. Well, Miss Four Eyes. It’s simple. You have too high of expectations. Perhaps go back up to the 55+ category… You know what Chris Tucker says: “The older the berry, the sweeter the juice.” Besides, old men eventually give up on everything and then you can win every argument. Just kidding. Men pretty much suck.

    • “The older the berry, the sweeter the juice” haha! I wouldn’t mind going up to the 55+ category. I like old guys. I like them to the point that I may have some serious issues . But Engaged Friend thinks I should have limits. Whatever makes her happy.

  10. You will know when you meet the right person, because they will say something so romantic to you it will take your breath away, just like my boyfriend did when we first got together, which was: “If we break up we shouldn’t hang around till we’re too old/ugly to meet someone new”. I was like, this guy is perfect.

  11. Pingback: Guest Post: MissFourEyes Dreams of Super Heroes | rarasaur

  12. Is Mamma Mia really that much of a deal breaker? I think you’re limiting yourself unnecessarily if you discard anyone who enjoys musicals, I’m just sayin’.

    I agree with you on all other counts, though- it’s really difficult to meet people these days. And dating itself is just an exhausting carousel of torture. Look at the bright side though- it’s much easier to meet people in your home country than it is while living abroad. In the US, when I smile at someone or make eye contact, they will often smile back even if it’s nothing more than friendlyness. Where I’m living currently, people react differently- if I smile at someone, they immediately act distrustful.

    It’s enough to drive a man to drink. Luckily, there’s lots of beer in Germany.

      • It’s like that everywhere I’ve been so far… the general behavior is different because the culture is different here. I figure I’ll just start dating again after I move back or something.

        • Well the general behavior where I live is very different too. A long post for another day. I hope it gets better for you, and that you don’t have to wait until to move back

  13. But that little green bar does encompasses a lot of people though. I’m sure things will happen when you want them too, even if the guys has to come back from Antarctica after having tea with Penguins :D. The very fact you blog naked should have suitors lining up at your door. perhaps you live in a building with security door access.

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