I saw this thing going around on the internet, 4 Things Not To Do This Christmas. They have profound and meaningful stuff like ‘Don’t forget Jesus’. Here is mine:
- Don’t pee in the snow.
- Don’t leave threatening letters for Santa
- Don’t say Christmas-y things (‘Ho, Ho, Ho!’) in an attempt to get laid
- Don’t try to be Santa (Let me paint you a picture. Setting: It’s freezing cold, you’re on the roof, it’s snowing and you’re holding a large bag full of presents, damn thing weighs fifty pounds. Your plan: slide down the chimney and surprise kids. Problems: you break your legs with the twelve foot fall, the fire is lit so you not only burn yourself but all the presents you spent so much time and money buying. Your kids know how to dial 911, cops arrive, next thing you know you’re behind bars and little elf is feeling you up)
I think I’m taking a little break from blogging for now, so I guess I’ll see you in 2013. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a very happy New Year!
Miss Four Eyes 
Have a wonderful Christmas..See ya next year 🙂 xx00 Big Hugs xx00x
Mollie and Alfie
You too! See you next year, Mollie’s Humom! *extra large bear hug. swinging from side to side, refusing to let go* 😀
Sadly we both know #3 will be used more than once this holiday season. As a matter of fact, so will the rest. Even Santa can’t stop stupid! Enjoy your break and all the best for 2013!
Haha! ‘Even Santa can’t stop stupid’, so true!
Wishing you the very best for the new year, Lisa, and Merry Christmas! Hope you see more of those amazing decorations (so that we can see them too) 🙂
Not peeing in the snow is always a good tip!! Enjoy your break and see you on the other side. By the way I would never say HO HO HO to you …well, not in that way.
Oh, wifey, you warm my heart! I’ll miss you. See you in 2013! Until then *(slightly inappropriate) hug*
It doesn’t snow where I live, so is it safe to cop a squat in the gutter?
Absolutely! Go for it! What’s Christmas if nobody does that?
Don’t knock threatening letters – they work! Visit tomorrow – I finally got off my butt and wrote an inspiring post about the 12 days of Christmas – 50 Shades style. Nothin’ but class, folks. Also, a Christmas special. Oh, WOOT. 5th thing not to do at Christmas – leave advertisements for your crap on other peoples’ blog posts.
Oh, F.Y.I. Squirrel and Sad Pony are headed over with a green bean casserole. Set two more places. Also, they say “ho, ho, ho”. Merry Christmas.
Revision: Everyone except Alice, don’t write threatening letters to Santa.
Plus, if we all start blackmailing Santa, he might get better at the negotiations, and the next thing we know Sad Pony has gone ‘mysteriously’ missing!
Haha, 12 days of Christmas 50 Shades style! I wouldn’t miss it!
Two more places? Think we’ll make it to the table?
Take as long of a break as you need, just as long as you do come back. I enjoy reading you too much for you to not come back.
Oh Mike, you are simply the sweetest! I’m coming back for sure, I’d miss all of you too much 🙂
Okay, you say don’t pee in the snow. That doesn’t count for me, right? How else am I supposed to let others know “I Wuz Here”!?
Besides that, it’s still okay for me to leave buttprints by pressing my naked butt in the snow, right?
Of course that doesn’t count for you. You’re Daan the Maan! Pee away, my friend!
You can leave buttprints only if you promise to take pictures for me. Pictures of the prints I mean, not of your butt. But either would be fine 😉
Cool! Thanks, you almost took away my purpose for the holidays, or as I like to call it: “The Season For Butt-Freezin'”
I wanted to say “Ball-Freezin'”, but that seemed inappropriate.
Ball-Freezin is completely appropriate. Especially for Christmas.
Yes, do hurry back — but enjoy your blog free days! You crack me up! See ya latah alligator!
YOU crack me up, nobody in the real world ever tells stories about chicks with dicks! I’ll have to hurry back, I’d miss you all too much
After a while crocodile!
Shared with my cats who couldn’t get past the don’t pee in the snow. Have a great holiday!
Hehe, your cats are adorable! You too, Happy Holidays! 🙂
That’s why you’re supposed to read the card first. Etiquette exists for a reason, Santa… Emily Post was nobody’s fool. :). Your picture of being Santa was terrifying in it’s specificity, haha! :). Have a lovely blogcation!!
Hehe, I get quite terrifying around the holidays 🙂
Thanks, Rara! And Happy Holidays to you!
I like your list better! Have a wonderful Christmas, you beautiful blogger!
Thanks, Hook! I hope you have a really great Christmas, I hope you don’t get too many freaky cougars at the hotel, and I really hope someone gets you a robot! Happy Holidays!
How am I supposed to make lemon slushies if I can’t pee in the snow?
Fine, but just this one exception only for you and only if you give me your lemon slushy recipe
FYI, consumption of alcohol is involved.
I’m in luck. There’s no snow, I don’t have a chimney or kids, and I never wrote to Santa. My holidays will be jail free!!
Merry Christmas, and see you sometime next year.
Hooray for jail free holidays! Merry Christmas, Purplemary!
See you next year! I plan on avoiding all 4 items on your list…maybe print out that Santa pic to teach everyone the true meaning of Christmas: just buy your gift recipient what’s on the list and not get cute!
Exactly! 😀
Merry Christmas, Daddy Ranman!
You’re right, no one should say “ho, ho, ho” to try and get laid. That also shouldn’t work… eeeeek…
But I was totally planning on going down the chimney! Making me rethink my plans? Darn you girl!
If you are still planning on going down the chimney, I guess I could help. I’ll bring a parachute for the fall, and a bottle for you to pee in! Oh and don’t eat all the cookies, leave some for me!
Merry Christmas, Jill!
Merry Christmas to you too! And how bought bring a bottle of wine – we’ll drink it, and then have something to pee in! Tow great things in one!
You are absolutely brilliant!
Thank you, thank you. I am pretty good with the booze…
Roasted santa sounds good to me.
Shhh! You don’t want to get on next year’s naughty list!
(yes it does, btw) 😉
1. I like to pee in the snow. 2. I only leave homemade cookies for Santa. 3. I don’t need tricks in order to get laid. Also, I have a better chance of getting laid when I’m not being an idiot lol. 4. I’m afraid of heights. And…. have a great break! Happy New Year!
Haha! You rock 🙂
Happy New Year to you too!
HAHAAA! Great post! Can’t wait to read more, next year! 🙂 HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Aw thanks! See you next year! 🙂
Happy New Year!
I did all of the above, except I didn’t do #2, #3, or #4. And only a little bit of #1, kind of.
Haha! Yeah, me too, kind of. You won’t tell anyone will you?
It was all so sudden! It was so cold, and there was nowhere to go! What was I supposed to do?!
You did the right thing.
Hope you had a funtastic Christmas 🙂 🙂 🙂 xx00xx
Mollie and Alfie
Hi Mollie! I hope you had a fantastic Christmas too! xoxo