When you see the words ‘Produced by Tom Cruise’ you just know that everything that happens after that will end badly and that it is entirely your fault because YOU bought the ticket because YOU wanted to sit in those stupid reclining chairs. So I’m really the only one to blame. And my Pregnancy Fetish Friend, because she saw a pregnant woman buy a ticket, and simply had to follow her in.
I do not watch movies with Tom Cruise in them. Ever. Pregnancy Fetish Friend dragged me to Jack Reacher because he’s “so cute!”(and also “Oh my God! Look she’s pregnant!” *runs after mommy-to-be*)
So what happened? Well, I’m not sure exactly. I fell asleep in the reclining chair (What? It went ALL the way back!). But I did have the good fortune of staying awake for these very well thought out punch lines:
Girl: I’m Sandy
Tom Cruise: So was I, last week. At a beach in Florida.
Girl (talking about her brothers beating him up): I don’t mind the sight of blood
Tom Cruise: Well that means you’re not pregnant
Man: Hey man… that’s my sister you’re talking about!
Tom Cruise: Is she a good kisser?
Man: You think?
Tom Cruise: All the time. You should try it.
Tom Cruise (pointing gun at bad guy’s head): I was born in October. When I get to my birthday, I’m going to pull the trigger. 1…..2…..3…….
Oh Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, what are we going to do with you?