I hate Tom Cruise

When you see the words ‘Produced by Tom Cruise’ you just know that everything that happens after that will end badly and that it is entirely your fault because YOU bought the ticket because YOU wanted to sit in those stupid reclining chairs. So I’m really the only one to blame. And my Pregnancy Fetish Friend, because she saw a pregnant woman buy a ticket, and simply had to follow her in.

I do not watch movies with Tom Cruise in them.  Ever. Pregnancy Fetish Friend dragged me to Jack Reacher  because he’s “so cute!”(and also “Oh my God! Look she’s pregnant!” *runs after mommy-to-be*)

So what happened? Well, I’m not sure exactly. I fell asleep in the reclining chair (What? It went ALL the way back!). But I did have the good fortune of staying awake for these very well thought out punch lines:

Girl: I’m Sandy
Tom Cruise: So was I, last week. At a beach in Florida.

Girl (talking about her brothers beating him up): I don’t mind the sight of blood
Tom Cruise: Well that means you’re not pregnant

Man: Hey man… that’s my sister you’re talking about!
Tom CruiseIs she a good kisser?

Man: You think?
Tom Cruise: All the time. You should try it.

Tom Cruise Jack Reacher

Okay blondie, I make joke, you laugh.

Tom Cruise (pointing gun at bad guy’s head): I was born in October. When I get to my birthday, I’m going to pull the trigger. 1…..2…..3…….

Oh Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, what are we going to do with you?


104 thoughts on “I hate Tom Cruise

  1. Oh geezus, I don’t think my eyes can roll back any further in my head! I haven’t gone to see the movie yet and now definitely won’t be haha!! Cringe! Tom Cruise freaks me out. I’d much rather sit in a reclining chair and watch George Clooney or Ryan Gosling 🙂

  2. Thanks for the heads up, looks like one to miss!! Never been a fan of Tom, he is just the cheesiest guy ever, right?


  3. Feed circus animal with him?
    I hate him too, I can’t stand his face, I also have a hate post about Tom Cruise and Harrison Ford that I should post soon.
    Good to know that the hate for Tom unites many bloggers, cuz I know Madam Weebles hates him too.

    • Yes! We can feed circus animal with him!
      Harrison Ford too? Hmm, yeah I guess I can see why. Can’t wait to read it! Criticizing Tom Cruise is quickly turning into a hobby of mine 🙂

  4. Tom Cruise is a scary guy that’s freaky and weird. I actually watched some of his movies and liked them before he started opening his mouth and jumping on couches and preaching Scientology. Okay, so I liked A Few Good Men because, um, hot men in uniforms! I don’t actually remember the movie itself, except Jack’s “You can’t handle the truth!” Which he can’t, he really can’t. Cause the truth is he’s a dick.

    That movie sounds really bad. Though not as bad as New Moon, which the Things and I are still slogging through.

    • Haha! I think it is possible that you hate Tom Cruise more than I do. I love that!
      Good luck with New Moon. I feel for you. Whatever you do, don’t make a drinking game out of it. It doesn’t end well (the movie and the game)

  5. My question is why did they choose Tom Cruise to play the lead??? He’s what? 5 foot 2 or something and the character in the book is like 6 foot 4…I mean really????? I’m not much for Cruise, haven’t seen anything he was in either.

  6. I now have to see this movie. Thank you for the “recommendation.” I’ll let you know how it went… unless I really really like it… then I will just remain silent because I am so desperate to agree with everyone about important things like movie taste. 😉 Happy New Year!

      • I can’t stop; I liked it. Interesting story. Loved the cheesy one-liners. That has always been an action movie staple. Also, I could care less if Mr. Cruise is bat-shit crazy in real life. I like a lot of his work and even love some of it. I’ll understand if you feel a need to send anthrax in the mail… but, I had to speak up.

        • I don’t care if he’s batshit crazy in real life either. But why does he make batshit crazy movies?! Why does he torture the people?! I’m still recovering.
          Anthrax may or may not be in your mail, beware.

  7. Oh no!!!! I freakishly like Tom Cruise. But it might be because I just like to defend the famous and successful yet despised (Justin Bieber, Kate Gosselin, Michael Jackson pre-death). I actually had no desire to see this movie, but having read this, now I’m tempted! Those lines are gold! So bad it’s good?

  8. Tom Cruise was okay until the Oprah couch incident and the anti-depressant rant. I wish I didn’t know about his personal life, but since I do, like you, I can’t watch him anymore either.

    • It’s not so much his personal life (though it is disturbing to know), but his movies and acting (and horrible dialogues) that drive me nuts!
      But I do love those memes about the Oprah couch incident! They crack me up every time 😀

  9. for me (and wifesy) tom cruise is like our white jamie fox. yes, i just said that. he’s a pretentious a-hole, but we still watch his movies bc they’re usually, well, watchable. they give us indigestion, but we watch… sigh. fun read. sm

    • It was dreadful to watch. At least with horror movies you have scary music to warn you, there was nothing here! You just sit there waiting, terrified of what stupid line he’ll say next!

  10. I think we should get reset buttons for some asepcts of our lives. We strive hard and long down one path and when figure out it was the wrong way to go we should get to reset and start over. That’s what Tom Cruise needs, right? “Hey, let’s wipe out all the movies I’ve made recently and all of my public statements and start over. How’s that sound.” Pretty good, Tommy. Pretty good.

    • That sounds perfect! Sadly, I think he stands by every one of his movies and public statements. The Oprah couch incident may even be his proudest moment. But really, I’d be happy just erasing the last few movies from my mind

  11. I have to say I like Tom Cruise movies (most of them anyway) BUT he is NOT Jack Reacher. I’ve not seen the film but if you read any of the books you get an idea of his appearence and for me cruise ain’t it.

    • *gasp* I can’t believe you would say something like that here! This is no place for people who like Tom Cruise movies!
      Kidding 🙂
      I didn’t read the book, but I did read a bunch of angry reviews saying that Jack Reacher is supposed to be 6 feet tall and very buff. Tom Cruise doesn’t even get close.

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