The people you meet in coffee shops:
As a former employee of a coffee establishment, I have seen a variety of people come and go. What I will address today are the top ten people that EVERY coffee shop will have entering their establishment. They are quirky, and even if it’s not right away, employees will embrace their eccentricities with a smile.
- The “regular”– This person comes in every day, rain or shine, at the same time of day and asks for the same drink. They get excited when the barista has their drink already ready for them, and they usually stand at the bar and talk with the barista. This person is usually low maintenance.
- The guy who refuses to use the coffee “lingo”-This person finds enjoyment out of refusing to conform. They will make up words just so they don’t use the “cutsie” names for the drinks that the coffee shop uses.
- The impatient guy-This person will be upset if they wait for their drink. This person is usually a “regular” at another shop, and will expect ESP to occur from one store to another so we know their drink order. They usually tap a limb in frustration that it took the barista 30 seconds to make their drink. If there is a long line, it is a guarantee they will be upset.
- The free stuff guy– Unfortunately there is always the person that doesn’t want to pay for much, and will continually try take advantage of the “it’s on us” policy.
- The “health” nut-This person will order a “healthy” drink, but then put whipped cream on it. Unfortunately, this cancels out anything healthy about the original drink
- The ACTUAL health nut-This person genuinely wants to have the healthiest drink possible, and will go as far as watching the barista make the drink to ensure nothing “unnecessary” or “fattening” goes in to the drink. The person will require to see any food labels of any baked goods.
- The cool guy– This person wants to impress everyone with their “fonzie-like” exterior. He wants everyone to think that they are the person who knows everything about the coffee served at the establishment. They will order a pretentiously “cool” drink, and will sit in the café for hours on end having conversations with customers about how much they think they know about coffee. Afterward, they will leave their trash on the table because they assume the establishment will bus their table, despite the abnormally large sign stating that they don’t.
- The student-This type of person falls under two categories: college and grade school. The college student always looks frazzled. Typically, they’ve stated up way too late doing some “studying” (yeah, ok), and desperately need some caffeine to stay awake to actually study for a test or finish a paper that’s due in a few hours. The grade school student is someone from the nearby school who is using their lunch money to get a sugary drink so they can look cool in front of their peers.
- The old employee-This person used to work for a coffee shop. They order their drink and silently judge how long it takes to get the drink (because they used to do it SO much faster) and again, silently judge how the coffee tastes differently than how they used to make it. I’m not proud of this, but I have fallen in this category myself a few times. But hey, I was awesome at making coffee (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).
- The Casanova-This person uses the coffee shop as a place to meet their next significant other or evening partner. When it’s particularly slow, they will attempt to flirt with the baristas. Unfortunately, this person is not a good flirter to begin with, and tends to upset people.
So there you have it, folks! People you are guaranteed to find in a coffee shop! I hope you enjoyed my (hopefully) funny and enjoyable reminiscence on my old barista days.
More from Vrbridge: