Step 1: Decide to write a post. You haven’t written anything for over a week, which in blog-time is years. Eons even.
Step 2: Realize that you are completely utterly blocked. But how is that possible? You can’t have writer’s block if you aren’t a writer!
Step 3: Make some coffee even though you quit drinking coffee. Blogging without coffee is shameful.
Step 4: Go to the Gods of Google hoping that you might find some inspiration. Spend some hours doing this.
Step 5: Make yourself a snack. Maybe you should write about your love of soy chips? You DO love soy chips.
Step 6: Decide against that. Soy chips are not things you publicize. Soy chips are meant to be eaten in the privacy of one’s home with no one around. NOBODY can know that you eat, let alone like, soy chips. To everyone concerned you love Doritos. Doritos leave a nice after-snack snack embedded in your nails.
Step 7: Fart loudly. So loud that you’re worried that Mr.Vespa across the street (the one that you accidentally flashed last year) heard it. Console yourself by declaring that nothing is sexier than a very loud fart. The louder the better.
Step 8: Start writing about farts and their various types. The silent fart, the accidental yoga fart, the intentional fart, the tyrannosaurus fart, the fart to show up another’s fart, the ever polite I-farted-because-you-farted fart.
Step 9: Understand you are a grown person and that fart humor is juvenile*. Fart once more and save writing about farts for another day.
Step 10: Decide to write about your writing process.
Step 11: Realize what a ridiculous idea that is.
Step 12: Screw it, it’s your blog. Publish it anyway.
*No it isn’t. Non-writer’s writer’s block is really bad. Even fart humor becomes unfunny.