Anxiety and Other Awkwardness / Life and Other Funny Things

The Perks of Being a Clutz

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I’m a clumsy person. People think this is something I need to fix and that some day falling down a flight of stairs backwards* is going to get me into serious trouble. I don’t really agree with them. I mean sure, there are better things to be proud of then falling down a flight of stairs backwards (but really, it was like being on a rollercoaster, but better!). Being clumsy doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, I recommend you set your reputation as a clumsy person too, and enjoy all the perks of being a clutz with me.

  • You are the best person to come to for risk management. You are so experienced in things going wrong that you have the ability to predict all the possible things that could go wrong (the only problem is that you can’t exactly tell how to stop these things from happening in the first place)
  • Nobody asks you for help with moving anymore. Some friends asked you to help carry their great-grandfather’s grandfather clock and you somehow managed to drop it down four flights of stairs.
  • Clumsy is the new hot. (unless you trip and everyone sees your granny panties/heart-print boxers. But it’s still a great conversation starter)
  • Your high fives are awesome. Regular people have boring regular high fives, where one person will slap the other person’s palm. Sometimes they’ll attempt to be cool (how this works, I have no idea) and change the end to various aquatic creatures like a jellyfish. But yours, YOUR high fives are awesome. They’re so awesome you need multiple attempts to get it perfect. Sometimes you’ll end up missing the palm entirely and smacking the other person’s butt. But let’s face it Butt-fives are so much better than Jellyfish-fives.
  • Clumsiness is a good excuse for getting out of things. Like how Auntie Nina stopped inviting you to her many (horribly boring) tea parties. You keep dropping her china.
  • When you fall over and your glasses come off, it’s adorable. (if I ever meet a man that trips and his glasses fall off his face with his things scattered everywhere, I might have to marry him on the spot. Especially if he has a beard.)
  • You can drop your computer back to life if it ever dies on you. (this works with pretty much everything……most of the time)
  • You’re 73% more likely to fall into a giant bucket of toxic waste and become a superhero than most people. It’s the scientific law of clumsiness.

You’re also more likely to accidentally bump into someone with the flu and catch it all over again after you just barely made it through the last one.

    *achoo*

*as opposed to head first? Yeah. I think I’ll take falling down backwards.

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121 thoughts on “The Perks of Being a Clutz

  1. Hm. Here’s an idea: instead of dropping China, couldn’t you try and drop North Korea? Now that would be a conversation starter! You’d be a hero! A clumsy hero, but a hero nonetheless!

  2. Reblogged this on Christopher De Voss and commented:
    It’s reblog Thursday once again, and it’s May. Which means you poor Northerners should be warmng up sometme soon, right? Except you people in Antarctica. No smellng of May flowers for you…just the thoughts of being eaten by polar bears. That is actually not a random thought like it seems it is, but rather foreshadowing to Monday’s post. So there!

  3. I feel your pain! I am tall and long limbed. I take up infinitely more space than a tiny person, as such there is more surface area to bump into. I don’t go into shops that have all the little glass knick knacks displayed around because the “you break it you bought it” rule began to cost me a fortune. I actually started doing mosaic with some of my many expensive pieces of broken china. Unfortunately it sucked. True story!

  4. Clumsy women are adorable, but it does cause some tension, especially when the wife “accidentally” drops a certain drinking mug shaped like a breast or my Bud Man stein. Grrrr.

  5. I live with a clumsy person, all bad things happen to him, all bugs he catches them, you name it, he trips on everything. You failed to mention that you provide a vital service to society, you keep other on their toes, always alert, always entertained.
    If I heard a noise at home I always wonder is he’s made out alive.
    So you caught the flu again?
    I hope Sheila doesn’t visit you.
    xx

    • This person you live with, he and I would get along………..or be the cause of the end of the world.

      Sheila in my throat giving the sexy voice. You should hear me sing!

    • Fearless leader – liked your blog, wouldn’t let me comment on it though – apparently I’m the wrong sort of chap. Mostly wanted to congratulate you on your royal flush pun.

      As for falling up the stairs – that’s no laughing matter; it’s an increasing problem world-wide, but the politicians have had their silence bought by vested interests.

  6. Yes, butt fives really are better than high fives (: And as someone else pointed out, the tricks is to fall UP the stairs. It’s rather easy when you are hugely pregnant and top heavy!

      • My shins are tough. They caught my fall! I think I have only face planted on the stairs once. My junior year of high school going up the back staircase in between classes. I almost got trampled as I picked my self back up…

        • Ouch! I got trampled getting on the bus once. Not the same, but it involved me tripping on some steps and the feeling of being completely invisible 😛

  7. Oh man…I can so relate to all of this and that picture is AWESOME.

    If that bearded bespectacled clumsy man has a dad who is the same, send him my way.

  8. I admit it. I am a clumsy person. I blame it on the meds I take. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. That and the dogs tend to trip me. I am reblogging this most excellent post.

  9. My wife is clumsy and she’s cute as shit. Of course, she dons glasses, as well, so I wouldn’t sweat being clumsy. I think guys are attracted to it. Guess it just makes us feel needed and useful.

  10. Your talent and depth never ceases to amaze me. Brilliant and clumsy? Wow! That is a fantastic combination! 🙂 I would still let you help me move and I would give you a jumping flying but five. (Even though you might miss) Thats OK because it is the thought that counts. 🙂

  11. Chevy Chase launched his career with pratfalls on SNL. Being clumsy rules at times!
    By the way, clumsy or not, you’re still the best blogging partner anyone could ask for!

  12. You sick again?? You got to stop that! I feel for your clumsy ways, but it just makes you look cute to all the guys. So clumsy on! 😉 (feel better soon)

  13. Agreed! I had to explain how I rolled my ankle at work. I tripped. Over what? Nothing. How did you do that? I dont know, it just happened, one moment I was walking, the next I was looking at a swollen ankle….

    (the only problem is that you can’t exactly tell how to stop these things from happening in the first place)— Or how to explain how these will end up happening.

    • Walk into walls, spill coffee all over yourself (this will lead to more wall walking and furniture bumping as you do the hot-coffee dance), and most of all do NOT watch were you’re walking. Soon, grasshopper, you’ll be tripping over your own shadow.

  14. My husband is the clumsiest person I know, he bumps into everything, he breaks everything.. we now have Tupperware plates and glasses.. Thank god he hasn’t done a back flip down the stairs yet..LOL Have a wonderful day ..Big hugs xx00xx

    Mollie and Alfie

  15. Agreed. Clumsiness is super adorbs, and all the cutest anime characters are mega clumsy. That’s true about people asking you to help them move, very very handy! I might start dropping things just to get out of that duty!

    Though I like your posts too much for you to be falling down stairs all the time. Please wear a helmet or at least strap a pillow to your head with a belt under your chin when you need to ascend or descend a set of stairs. Thanks in advance 🙂

    Clumsy, nudie, farty, no-longer-sick hugs!

    Rohan.

  16. Hey matey from the Clutz Club! By saying what you said, you made me feel a little better , a little more hopeful about my prospects as a Clutz. I had been doing it wrong all along…I should hit and trip on park benches and fall from bikes more publicly from now on!
    I loved this post! 🙂 :p

  17. I am clumsy too. I fell while walking last autumn and I got to emergency room. The cutest doctor ever was holding my foot and asking: oh, u have a strained ankle…did u stumble? no? oh, were you running? no? were you wearing heels? no? So yeah, cute doctor didn’t ask me out but I doubt it was clumsiness. It must have been my pedicure:))))

  18. The secretary at work got me my very own box of band-aids. I think she was trying to tell me something. I’m pretty sure I’ve given a butt five before. Truly we art soul sisters, Miss Four Eyes.

  19. I’m a klutz, too! But I spell it with a K, for some reason. I thought about switching to a C when I saw how convincing you made it look, and then considered googling it, but thought– nah, I’m definitely a klutz with a k, even (especially?) if it’s spelled wrong.

    Did you ever see that movie with Martin Short (“Pure Luck”) where he’s hired to find his bosses’ daughter because they’re both riddled with bad luck and klutziness? There’s a scene where they secretly break the leg on one chair in a conference room and invite him in… and he unconsciously picks that chair to sit on and falls down. I always think about it when I fall somewhere– I’m the person who’d pick the broken chair!

    • I haven’t seen it. But you’ve convinced me to watch it immediately! I would definitely pick the broken chair too.
      Googled it, turns out it is spelled with a k. *facepalm* oh well, I’m a clutz with a c because it’s spelled wrong 😀

  20. “When you fall over and your glasses come off, it’s adorable. (if I ever meet a man that trips and his glasses fall off his face with his things scattered everywhere, I might have to marry him on the spot. Especially if he has a beard.”

    Book the venue.. call me yeah

  21. Haha, love the illustration. I am also a klutz. I have been known to stumble while standing still. It’s true.
    So how accurate is that 73% chance of falling into a giant bucket of toxic waste and becoming a superhero? And how do you know you won’t become a villain? There are things I need to know.
    Great post. 🙂

  22. Hehehehe loved it. And thanks for the heads-up on how to get out of boring “tea parties” and helping friends move. Does it work the same way for doing house chores? 🙂

  23. mmmnn so i’m sexy and didn’t know it… lol
    i’m lucky my boyfriend thinks it’s adorable. he just calls me a ‘pest’ and asks me to sit down or assign me with ‘menial tasks’ while he cooks something complicated. hehehe works for me.
    clumsy nurse, imagine that.hahaha and i quit working at the hospital cos i’m always catching colds!
    and right now, i have a cold, this is like the 3rd day, ugh ><
    great post ^^

      • oh. reminded me of that time when i gave an IV med to a kid. i got pricked by the needle. then my friend who’s waaaay clumsier than me, just had to butt in and got herself pricked by the same needle. haha so we laughed our way towards the office where we had our tetanus shots.lol that was stupid ^^ how can i be so smart on paper and so dumb during duty. aanyway, im just not cut out for that kind of work 😉

  24. hahaha! This post made me laugh out loud many times. I’m the one who gets out of helping move! “Handle with care” Opps, my bad…so it wasn’t meant to be dropped? Love this one.

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