Anxiety and Other Awkwardness

107 thoughts on “How Not to Meditate

  1. I’ve always wondered about that ability to think of nothing, based on exactly what you have there – thinking about nothing is still thinking about something. All very confusing. I must admit, though, that I’ve never had an issue with breakfast decisions. That’s a tough one

  2. I agree. Meditation is hard work. It is difficult to think of nothing. Those pesky thought about nothing keep intruding. If you find a way to meditate that’s easy, let me know.

  3. Wish I could just switch off, my brain goes all night..LOL Now why don’t men have this problem, they hit the pillow and the snoring commences.. I have never panicked over what to have for breakfast but I have had a panic attack through not having any..Let us know if you find an easy way to meditate 🙂 have a wonderful day, hugs xx00xx

    Mollie and Alfie

    • Funnily enough, I have no trouble sleeping. I can sleep whenever 😛
      I tried meditating lying down once, fell asleep! Did not achieve inner peace though.

      Hugs, Stella!

  4. I have a really hard time shutting down my thoughts as well. Even at night, it seems to be going all the time, if my weird dreams are any evidence. If I tried to not think of anything, I’d probably fall asleep or start making up a story about a guy who tried to meditate and failed.

  5. I’m a breakfast connoisseur, so I understand the pressure. Fortunately I don’t like pancakes with fruit so that isn’t too stressful. But then I have to think, with syrup or with jam and powered sugar.

  6. Never could figure this whole meditation thing out, makes me wonder if those who can do that really have anything else going on in their lives. Like some of the other readers here, there is no way to shut life off. When you have business to run, kids with children and being there to support them for all their activities, if you took time for mediation you’re behind or missed an important event.

  7. This cracked me up. My therapist recently suggested I try meditation, and my experiences thus far have been exactly like that picture.

    Oh, also, totally agree: breakfast can be a really troubling decision.

  8. Try listening (better yet, singing along) to some of the dumber pop songs, like Call Me Maybe. This will have the effect of turning off your brain function temporarily.

  9. I have taken many a meditation “class” or whatever you call it. I have never been able to achieve nothingness. Mostly I just get really sleepy. I don’t know how it works, but I know people who swear by it, so it’s got to exist, right? Personally, I prefer walking. It’s relaxing, I usually end up zoning out (though this is apparently different than thinking of nothing and focusing only on the present) AND I get some exercise in as well.

    • There’s a bunch of things I do that let me completely zone out. Walking is really great. But meditation must exist…right? Do you ever think the people that swear by it don’t actually have a clue what they’re talking about and just say it so that they don’t feel left out? Maybe meditation is just a giant LIE?!

  10. Zomg, you are totally in my thoughts it is so crazy we are SOUL SISTAHS again! Breakfast is tough. Hell, every meal can be tough, especially if you are trying to eat more healthy. Then it’s like, is this healthier than this? I mean this has more protein, but this has more fiber, oh but it has a lot of sugar. This has less sugar, but no fiber and I needs to poops, right?


    • SOUL SISTAHS forevah! 😀
      I so get that. When I was on my bunny diet, I think I went a little crazy (crazier than normal I mean). All that nutritional info, it’s too much to handle! There may have been an Excel sheet involved…

  11. I would like to point out that Christian meditation (which is very different and usually starts by thinking about one thing) is still just as difficult at first and often leads to the same scattered thoughts. You are not alone. And if I have not done it in a while it still can take me forty minutes to even begin to “quiet down inside.” Cheers.

  12. I used to meditate for a long time, but I am not sure it is considered meditating. I would close my door and close my eyes and start to create a calming vision or concentrate on white light.

    Then my imagination would go to work filling the “vision” with awesome aspects, characters and objects and the next thing I knew I was creating great story lines. I would scramble for my note book and………

    my pen would hover above the page and linger there…. flirting with the paper. I wouldn’t know where to begin leaving me frustrated as I couldn’t decide where to begin.

    *face palm*

    • It’s so sad isn’t it? Getting the most brilliant ideas while meditating, or just before bed, and losing them when to try to write them down. Our brains just love to mess with us, it’s like a game to them. 😀

  13. Meditation never helped me. [And I am from India , the country of Yoga 🙂 ] On Sundays, I plan my weekly menu :P..and stick on refrigerator wall. 😀 It helps my crazy mornings 😀

  14. Hehe, love your cartoon! Okay I have a few tips, here’s what I do:

    * I lay down with something over my eyes and a blanket over me
    * I Start at my head and slowly I focus on each part of my body and I completely relax it until I get to my toes
    * I slow my breathing and imagine myself leaving my body, either sinking into the floor, or floating above
    * When thoughts come I wrap them in a little bubble and shoot them away. This visualization helps me, but you can make up your own
    * I just continue to breath slowly and relax, not moving

    After a while I usually drift into a space like sleep, but a bit different, then I come back after a while.

    It took me at least a few weeks of doing this daily to get it though, takes a bit of practice I’m afraid haha.

    Good luck with your meditation!

    *Big inner peace nudie hugs!*


    • I’m definitely going to give that a try. I’m worried though, that wrapping my thoughts into a bubble and shooting them away will lead to an imaginary war between me and my thoughts….it’ll probably be set in space with blaster guns and everything. 😀
      I will try very hard NOT to do that.
      Thanks, Rohan! *Big inner peace space war nudie hugs*

  15. what is this thing meditate? My brain is too busy for this, I just skip breakfast, that way no worries. I think it is like if someone tells you …..don’t think of Zebras…..and all you do is think of zebras!

  16. I decided in order to overcome anxiety about making decision, I will just make the wrong one all the time and I stopped thinking about things all the time. Plus laying on the couch a lot helps too.

  17. The problem is I have all my best ideas during meditation, so instead of using it to go beyond the world I’m using it to get more entrenched in it. My breakfast trick is just to starve until I have to eat something and then take whatever is closest.

  18. Holy Cow! I know the feeling, only time I’m able to “meditate” is when I’m sleeping unless I have a dream about Taliban on my doorstep or Captain Sabertooth – says a lot about me now doesn’t it!

    But I was just trying to say “you are not alone!”..

  19. Oh my gosh!!! I can SOOOOoooOOOoo relate to this! I sometimes work myself into a frenzy about what to eat for breakfast, too 😛 So, I have been trying to take up meditation as well…. to thwart that Thinker-too-mucher thing. I even took an 8 week meditation class, and it was HARD!

    As usual, you make my world a better place. Loved this post 🙂

  20. I have a very hard time with the meditation idea as well. I can’t stop my brain-/ my problem is insomnia

  21. I hear you. I’ve heard you’ve got to ‘see’ every thought as a ship passing by slowly on a river during meditation. I tried that. And then I started thinking about ships. And rivers. And how I really want to learn to sail.

  22. Inner peace is hard to come by… Unfortunately, its highly overrated.
    You’re The Naked Blogger… Surely you can think of SOMETHING (cue the “bom chick wa wa” music) to do that would ease your stress?

  23. you don’t reach inner peace, at least i don’t think so. and that’s because it doesn’t exist. if it, you would know how to reach it automatically, it would have been something natural. just my thought.

  24. Thoughts are like flies in the summer – you keep swatting at them – but they keep coming back…’s got to be all ruse?
    James Turrell’s art is about as close as I can get (you can google him or see some pix from a recent exhibit on a recent post)….maybe if I had one of those in my house I could get to calm……other than that? swatting – constantly swatting

  25. I have never been able to relax. Even back when I was smoking pot, my mind was still busy. In fact, because of the constant thoughts ( = constant stress), I have muscles in my back, shoulders, heck and jaw that I can’t relax….ever. I went to physical therapy for 6 months and she finally gave up on me. If you learn the secret, let me know please. 🙂

  26. Pingback: Self Discipline Versus The Internet! | rohan7things

    • It’s really hard, isn’t it?!
      You’re into aromatherapy right? I tried using lavender in my aroma burner, and I’m pretty sure it does the exact opposite of relaxing me. If anything, I think more with the lavender burning. 😛

      • Ill have to try my oil burner again. Buy yeah Lavender should be relaxing. I looked up other ones that are supposed to be, perhaps you could try another. the ones that were listed were: chamomile, benzoin, bergamot, cedarwood, clary sage, frankincense, geranium, jasmine, neroli, patchouli, rose, sandalwood and ylang ylang

  27. This is hilarious and so are the comments, haha! 🙂

    But, in case you were looking for a real answer, too– meditation is not about thinking about nothing because that doesn’t even make sense. That logic is one part Hollywood, one part translation error. Meditation is about thinking about peaceful things and teaching your brain and body to have a rote memory that it can return to in moments of stressful decisions and anxiety. Right now, when you make a breakfast decision, your body is remembering all the awful breakfast decision memories of the past. Your body tenses. The combination is called anxiety. If your body could call on the memory of something calming just as easily, you could “get over it”. Plus, when your body actually gets to a truly relaxed state, decisions are just easier to make.

    Have you ever tried guided meditation? Kozo has a guided meditation on his page that you just put your email address in to get. 🙂 You should check it out!

    • This makes so much sense. All my anxiety, breakfast related and otherwise, makes so much more sense now. Thank you, Rara! You’re a lifesaver. I’ll be sure to check out Kozo’s blog 🙂

  28. Love this post! Laughed out loud at your cartoon, although I believe to close the cosmic energy circuit the legs should be crossed… and the hands ‘clasped’… or so the endless, ever contradictory, youtubing I’ve done on the subject might lead one to suppose… but then again, I’ve also heard the hands ought to be apart but resting on thighs to activate pressure points… oh hell, it’s all bullshit when you try to think about it, but then you’re not supposed to think about anything so…

    I hear you about the breakfast befuddlement! Take it from me, as someone who’s been known to have conniptions in the toothpaste aisle, choice is an ever harried bit of business.

    • Can I tell you a secret? I can’t draw people with their legs crossed! I don’t know why, they end up looking weird.
      I’ve tried meditating in almost every position though, legs crossed, on my knees, lying down, on the kitchen counter… you said, it’s all bullshit when you think about it. The more research we do the more confused we get!

      About the toothpaste, I know how crazy it can get. I have a solution: TWO toothpastes. I have two in my bathroom right now.

  29. Pingback: Channeling Sparky | Miss Four Eyes

  30. I read somewhere that if you meditate right, you don’t meditate, you BECOME the meditation. that was it. I wanted to become meditation from then on. I am not meditation now, but i meditate, which i figure is a downgrade, but ….yeah, m meditating, and not becoming the meditation.

    get it. no? well, to get it, u don’t have to understand the above explanation, you have to become the explanation.
    awesome stuff.

    • If you embrace the simple truth, that there is no meditation, you will see that it is not meditation that bends but yourself…..or something along those lines. Like you said, the explanation doesn’t have to make sense.

  31. but on a more serious note, try this technique. its called the blooming rose technique(or something like that). u close your eyes, and you imagine a rose bud and nothing else, then one by one u unfurl its petals. after the rose is in its full bloom, u start putting the petals back, furling it. repeat. takes a lot of patience, but yeah. it feels relaxing.

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