My brain is not my friend. It has this thing of going into overdrive mode at the worst possible time. Like if you’re going on stage and you’re completely fine, it’ll decide to flood your mind with every anxiety you ever had just before stepping to the podium.
But at least with high anxiety situations you know it’s coming. What about completely normal situations? How are you supposed to know when your brain will decide to go into overdrive then? Anxiety is a bitch.
Things I’ve thought way too much about in the past week:
- Giving a hug. I love giving hugs. But all of a sudden it was too much! Duration? Pressure? Arm position? Gaaaah.
- Going to the bathroom during dinner. I was out with some friends. I needed to, erm, relieve myself, as all humans do. But what is the best time to excuse yourself? Before or after the main course? Before dessert so that you can fully enjoy it? You can’t simply get up during the meal! Everyone will realize that women pee too.
- About the word ‘mossy’. Do you ever get that feeling where when you’re staring at a completely regular word for too long it starts to look unusual? I was typing the word and the more I stared at it the weirder it felt. Is it even a real word? Am I using it right? Does it sound dirty?
- Mouth wash. The supermarket is a dangerous place for the over-thinker. There are far too many choices there, and way too much thought put behind the marketing of each product (which totally works). Dozens of mouth washes to choose from, but the need for exactly ONE. What to do? Green? Blue? Pink? Pink tastes horrible. Blue does nothing more than make me look like a teeth-carer…given that someone is making personality judgments on me based on the contents of my bathroom. Do you go small or industrial size? It is mouthwash after all. After years I finally managed the toothpaste conundrum by getting two toothpastes, you can’t do that with mouthwash. It’s a completely different problem here.
- This post. Oh gosh, I used the word pee in point 2. Pee?! *facepalm* Now I’ve done it again! People are going to be either a) very disgusted, or b) realize they have to pee too. Replace the word! With what? With…asparagus. Yes. Why does my brain associate the word pee to asparagus? It’s okay. We’re all adults here. We can handle one little word.
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Miss Four Eyes 
I don’t know what it is about staring at words too long. I do that all the time. I end up looking up words that I really KNOW are correct, but they just LOOK wrong. Great post 🙂
Exactly! What is it with that? And the more you look at it, the more you think it’s wrong.
Asparagus pee stinks, white asparagus pee is even worse.
Beet pee is purple, my little cousin thought she was dying the first time she ate beet, she started to cry when she saw the color of her pee. An over thinker too, this is a tough world for your kind.
I was going to say exactly this same thing (I have a beet pee story, too–and I wasn’t even little) . . . but then I discovered that I didn’t have to. Thanks, Doggy’s Style (trying hard not to overthink that) . . .
We are pro-pee people here. You can go ahead and tell it anyway 🙂
Oh, this goes beyond pee. But my maiden name IS “Grosser,” so . . .
I have mild IBS (look it up). It really only flares up once every seven years or something, but when it does, it’s pretty unpleasant. The last time it did this, I was still single and I had a roommate whose parents have an organic farm. We got free boxes of veggies every week, which was awesome (and is actually helpful for the IBS situation), but the thing is that the contents of the boxes don’t vary much over any given 3-6 weeks, so at the time I was having my IBS flare-up, we were getting a lot of beets. Let’s just say that pee isn’t the only thing that turns red. But let’s also say that at the time I didn’t know this and I became convinced that my IBS had gotten so bad that my intestines were bleeding . . .
I can’t remember how I figured out what was actually going on, but it wasn’t before I went out to Wisconsin to visit my brother and his wife, and gave them a graphic description of what was going on in order to warn them that they had to be careful about what they fed me. I’m sure they both appreciated that . . . (‘Course, their last name still IS Grosser, so they should’ve been able to handle it.)
Whoa. That must have been terrifying for you. Makes for a great beet story though 😉
How did you find out what was really going on?
Honestly? I can’t even remember. I must have blocked it from my memory. 😉
Ah-ha! So that’s where the asparagus thing came from. I didn’t know about the purple pee though, your poor cousin! I avoid beet. Now I have more of a reason.
It IS a tough world, Leo. I’m over-thinking this comment as I type..
So true, we eat loads of Asparagus but I did think I was dying after eating beetroot..LOL xxoxx
Mollie and Alfie
Stella,
You should read Alice’s post, I told her about your incident with Thunder lol
I did and I COMMENTED..which is unusual for me on grown up posts..LOLOLLOL
I do the word thing too. It’s sad when you realise your google search history is probably made up quite heavily of googling words to check the spelling and googling words to check they exist 🙂
Haha! Yeah, for this post the word was ‘overdrive’. You should see me search history 🙂
Mossy does sound like a dirty word. I’m not sure why. It just does. Maybe it’s because my brain associates everything with visuals. Stupid brains.
Right, stupid brains! Why do they do this to us?
It’s a conspiracy. 😛
Hmm yes Asparagus and the word pee – makes me think of green pea, which is different to green tea, and now I have the worm pee in my head oh and mossy.
Going to the bathroom? Anytime the need calls, who cares if pee (snicker) ple know you are going to relieve yourself, IF there has to be a designated moment, after the entree, after the mains, before the sweets(dessert). Hilarious post.
Hehe, pee-ple 😀
Thank you for understanding. You get it, you really really get it
You know I totally get where you’re coming from. I just avoid the mouthwash even though I probably should use it. I think you should just pick your favorite color.
Then blue it is! You made this so much easier 🙂
Did you create that brain from scratch? If so well done, that is an extremely cute brain!
Now onto the serious stuff. Going to the bathroom is a must if I need to during a meal. I just hate that feeling when all you can think about is the nagging withholding of the bodily function and you simply cannot enjoy anything else; food, conversation, a movie.
Having to pee during any kind of performance is the worst though. There really is nothing worse than a play performance pee. “To Pee or not to Pee, that is the question!”
*Nudie hug with perfect duration, pressure and arm positioning* 🙂
Rohan.
I did, thanks Rohan! 🙂
Haha! You cracked me up with the play performance pee! Does this happen much during your gigs?
*very un-overthought nudie hug of perfection*
I think all these thoughts are somehow connected. You’re just missing that link. Keep thinking!
Maybe my brain is thinking in riddles now?
The question, to me, now becomes: Do I pee first, or do I eat the asparagus before I pee?
I’m confused.
I think avoid the asparagus entirely, just to be safe.
I also worry a lot about the appropriate time to go to the bathroom during dinner. I wish I didn’t have the bladder of a 4 year
Old, but what can I do.
It is a problem isn’t it? There should be an allotted time during dinner for this. A standard procedure: Appetizers, salad, main course, bathroom break, dessert. It would solve everything.
just jump in without thinking, and since that doesn’t sound like it’s your way, just know that whatever you do is not life-threatening, you can always laugh and write about it later if you think it was a bad choice )
I know that everything is okay in theory, but when my brain gets started it just doesn’t stop! I’m working on it. Thanks 🙂
i know our brains can be our most challenging opponents – baby steps )
NBG…I love your brain. It makes me laugh.
Thanks, Sexy Stormtrooper 😀
You’re quite welcome, Naked Blog Goddess.
Asparagus scented pee lets everyone know you care about what you put in your body. I always wonder if cashiers want to comment on people’s shopping choices….how do you explain away peptobismol, depends & gasX????
I don’t know how they hold it in. “Oh, gasx? Yeah, good luck buddy.”
Ok so I have to ask, and it has nothing to do with this post lol, but what is that sticker on the side of your page “may have been freshly pressed but wouldn’t know” haha- it made me laugh but I don’t really get it?
What if you were freshly pressed but you never found out?! Nobody ever told you, and you’d just go on without ever knowing. We live in constant fear of that.
Leo over at Doggy’s Style made it. 🙂
http://doggysstyle.wordpress.com/2013/04/02/freshly-pressed-not-sure/
Hahaha ahhhh gotcha!
Oh, man, anxiety? I haz it. On OVERDRIVE. A trip to Wal-Mart is horrible. Should I buy this? It’s on sale. But it’s grapes and you waste them. But they’re healthy. You should clean out the fridge it smells. I don’t want to. I still have to buy groceries. I know applesauce, it doesn’t go bad. ZOMG how much does this stuff in my cart cost? Okay, long, long lines. I’ll use self-checkout. Yes I bagged it. I did! Arghhhh!
So uh, what I was saying is I identify.
You bagged it?! Paper or plastic? It’s too much pressure!
I try to avoid hugs, because of the awkward shake hand, go for the hug awkwardness.
Have you ever tried to go for a hand shake while the other guy went for a hug and you end up with your hand jabbing his stomach?
I’ve done every kind awkward bro hug except for the actual hug, because that might actually make someone think that I like them.
haha! I have a shampoo conundrum… why are there so many brands and scents and they all claim to make your hair better, shinier, thicker, full of body, smoother… etc… I can stand in that aisle for hours if I am not careful… then I walk away overwhelmed with who knows what in my basket…
Oh and thanks for reminding me that I have to pee!
I used to do that too! Thankfully (ha! I can’t believe I said that) I’m allergic to a bunch of stuff so that reduces the choices. But really given the amount of stuff in the shampoo aisle, it’s a wonder people aren’t tempted to buy 7 different bottles all at once.
You are very welcome! (sorry) 😉
When my brain has been overworked I start to second guess the usage of simple words. And I’m with you on the bathroom thing. I have to time excusing myself, though it usually ends up being an awkward “I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. OUT OF MY WAY” situation because I wait too long, haha.
Get the big mouthwash. It’s more economical and tells the world you have fresh breath
Ok, go BIG! This is making things so much easier. 🙂
Your brain is my friend. It rocks!
My brain loves you, Hook!
Your brain has good taste, Thanks!
The brain, just like you, I am obsessed about this brain. And you are using it hilariously. What kind of pee do you think asparagus grows from? As for the pee word, use wee wee … laughing
Haha! Wee wee 😀
My brain overdrive is normally when in bed and trying to sleep, My brain is active and running at a million miles per hour… it is so annoying. Your overdrive situation must be a nightmare, be nice to have an overdrive on/off button, although why it would ever be on is beyond me.
I would love to have a button like that. Maybe just turn it on for writing? Does help sometimes. The best ideas are thought of when in overdrive
I think some of the best writers EVER have brains in overdrive…it is what makes them so awesome! 🙂
I love your posts! Have to admit (just like a few others apparently) my first thought was Asparagus makes your pee stink! HA HA! I have had issues with UTI’s in the past…Not fun! 😦 However they have this wonderful medication that you can get as a script as well as a version of it over the counter that numbs everything and gives the most awesome pain relief…..but! it turns your pee orange! LOL! If you don’t know THAT’s coming then you really think you are messed up… mossed up…wait! what? nevermind….squirrel!? he he…sorry side tracked for a min!
Deep cleansing breaths always work for me when I am anxious….but I feel ya!
Orange?! Whoa, now there’s a surprise you NEED to be prepared for!
……squirrel? Where?!
You mean…..you do things other than having movements? But…us pooping is what we based our entire friendship on. Now, you tell me you pee, too? What’s next? Are you going to tell me you’ve taken up breathing?
Oh Revis. You know that pooping will always be my favorite bodily function, you know that. Nothing tops it, nothing ever will.
I hope not. If we don’t have pooping, I don’t think life will be worth living.
You can say pee all you like. It’s your blog. 🙂
Woot! 😀
That was fascinating. I want to reply to everything, so I’m going to do it in order:
1. Some people are apparently natural huggers, some end up making it the most awkward thing in the world. Also, I’ve noticed that if you hug someone hello once, you apparently have to do it every time after that.
2. I try to go to the bathroom just as the waiter is coming, juggling all our plates of food. Try to stagger like you’re only barely holding it in.
3. Sometimes I do this if I’m bored, just say a word over and over until it sounds weird. You can make any word sound like it’s in a foreign language. (language…language…language…)
4. Supermarkets need explanation guides, written by real people, explaining the differences between different types of mouthwash, toothpaste, etc. Although, I suspect 90% would read “they’re basically all the same”)
5. Nothing wrong with the word pee. Better than “wee-wee”.
First of all, I love that you replied to everything 🙂
1. Yeah, what’s with the every time hugging? I’m okay with that as long as nobody progresses to the double cheek kiss hug. It just adds a whole new level of awkwardness.
2. Hehe, I’ll try that
3. All through this post, the word ‘word’ has started to sound like its French
4. And a tour guide facility! Just because.
5. Hahahaa! Wee-wee
Just to keep up the numbered format…
1. I think if someone try to consistently double cheek-kiss-hug me, I would take great pains to avoid that person.
3. word… word…word… word… word… word… word…
If I had one wish it would be a big fate OFF switch installed to the back of my head and the ability to accessorize it of course.
That should be a thing! 😀
All these peeople taking about words and spellings are making me nervous. Spelling of word is right, no?
Word….word…word………..er, I’m not sure anymore! Is it right? Is ‘right’ right? Gaaaah!
right can’t be wrong, or can it?
Why are you worried about going to the bathroom during dinner? Aren’t all your friends part the movement movement?
Mossy looks fine to me… I think the word you are really worried about is “moist.”
(And you’ll be my eternal hero if you know what TV show that ties back to.)
They’re pro-movement but I think pee might still be taboo. 😦
Oh I know! How I met your mother?
Partial credit – How I Met Your Mother references it too, but it started with Dead Like Me.
Darn
Partial Credit is still pretty good.
😀
Hugging causes me great anxiety. I think garlic supplement pee is worse smelling than anything. And when ya gotta go– just go. And you must always enjoy dessert.
I enjoyed your comments as much as the post. Great read this morning —
I’m torn between wanting to know what garlic supplement pee is like and living in blissful ignorance.
The comments are always my favorite part 🙂
A vitamin. Gross.
Mossy = a strangely disturbing subconscious activation/combination of mons (pubis) and pussy (um…meeow?). Great, now I have to come up with a whole new word to describe anything wet/soft/slippery/furry/earthy… and before this comment slips into more naughtiness… bright green!!
ps: thanks the toothpaste shout-out! (I’m now using pro-enamel + Colgate whitening… mouthwash is a whole other ballgame… one in which I’m still on the bench)
Hahahaa! Yup, mossy IS dirty.
Anytime! I just love that there’s someone out there that goes through the same thing. I’m on Colgate whitening too (great minds think alike?) and some weird herbal stuff that funnily enough tastes pretty good.
aaaah….I can’t comment because I have to go to the bathroom *right now*
Run!
I think your cranial hyper activity is most excellent, makes for good writing. Socially…just keep cool on the outside. Never let “them” know how crazy it is on the inside.
No, no crazy on the outside! Never do that, doesn’t end well.
…which is a whole anxiety in and of itself. “Gah! Do they know?! Can they read my mind? Can they tell that I’m freaking out about this?!”
^ haha and on your way to pee you’ll run into someone that presents the handshake/hug dilemma.
🙂
try avoiding the super market at all costs. it works every time. your new best friend is the gas station and the farmer’s market. you’ll pay a little more, but you won’t have to decide between this or that. problem solved 🙂
Hmm, I never thought of that. I do like the farmer’s market 🙂