[Applicant fresh out of college, walks in and shakes hands with interviewer]
Interviewer: Ugh. Your hand is sweaty.
Applicant: Yeah. I almost had a panic attack. You people and your suits make me nervous.
Interviewer: That’s what they’re for. Don’t tell anyone.
Take a seat, and thank you for taking time to come in.
Applicant: It’s no problem. I’m unemployed and living on my parent’s couch, I didn’t have a lot to do. My World of Warcraft buddies will be online a little later, so it wasn’t much trouble.
Interviewer: Why are you interested in this job?
Applicant: Oh I’m not. I just, like, need one.
See, I went to college so that I could get a good job. But then I realized that I didn’t want a job. Well, not like yours. I want to live, you know? But I have this student loan to pay off. So I need a job. But I can’t get a job in any of my majors, because who does that right?
Interviewer: Mm-hmm. I understand. What was your major anyway?
Applicant: Economics. I have a minor in Gaming Management too.
Interviewer: Oh good. You’d be great for poker nights at Harrison’s. But Economics? Really?
Applicant: Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking.
Interviewer: So do you have any qualities that would actually benefit our company?
Applicant: None whatsoever.
Interviewer: Fantastic! Nobody hear does, you’ll fit right in. Of course we won’t tell you that so we can keep paying you the bare minimum.
Applicant: I live for the bare minimum. That’s my work motto: Do the bare minimum!
Interviewer: What were some activities you participated in college?
Applicant: Activities? Well, I was vice president of the Hangover club. It wasn’t a club per say, more like volunteer work. I was in charge of hunting down all the easy morning classes for everyone to sleep through. And I went to a lot of keggers. It was pretty much like an activity. I’m pretty skilled at throwing out potted plants with barf in them.
Interviewer: Okay, good. We’ll put you on clean up duty for the office Christmas parties.
So let’s get this straight, the pay here is not good. Good? Nah, its peanuts. And we’ll be taking complete advantage of you and treating you like a robot. Only difference is, robots are smart you are not. Keep that in mind when I take all credit for the rare ideas that you have.
Applicant: That sounds great. Actually, it sounds horrible, but whatever right?
Interviewer: Right! In this economy you’re lucky to even get a job, even though we have a thousand vacancies. But you’re the Econ major. You know that.
Applicant: Sadly, I do.
Interviewer: Welcome to a life devoid of all happiness. You’re going to hate it here!
Applicant: I don’t look forward to it!