Remember that terrible interview I had? The call back was so much better. I was calm and composed, and because of some freak of nature they offered me a better job. Don’t ask me how that happened, I don’t know. The point is, I’ve been successfully employed for two weeks now!
The people I work with are pretty great. Some are just….different.
1. Paul the HR person
Paul is an enigma. I’ve never seen Paul, the truth is nobody has. They say his office is on the third floor. When I went to check, there was just a phone, no Paul. Everyone’s gotten a call from this Paul. Some say Paul sounds like a man, others say it was a woman. I think Paul doesn’t even exist. Whenever the employees are free, they call new recruits saying they’re ‘Paul’. Makes sense. Who needs a real HR guy anyway, right?
2. The TMI bomber
She’s a nice person on the inside. She means well, I think. She works on the floor above mine and every time I happen to bump into her, I get a Too Much Information bomb.
Passing in the hall. BOMB “Did you hear about who’s trying to get pregnant?”
In the elevator. BOMB “OMG! I remember last Christmas, in this very elevator, Paul and I…..!” [did censored things that I’m still recovering from hearing about]
Leaving the office, trying to avoid her. BOMB “Four Eyes! Guess who just got IBS?!”
I now know about all about her IBS and its frequency. I do not know her name.
3. 50 Shades of I-can’t-believe-you-brought-that-to-work
This woman brings 50 Shades of Grey to work. I’m willing to give her a chance and say she doesn’t actually like it. There could be one of the following things going on this her:
- She’s being ironic.
- She’s doing an a very detailed research on how 50 Shades will be the end of the planet as we know it.
- It was an accident. She really wanted to read about the various shades of the color gray.
4. Fred Astaire
His first name is Fredastaire. Nobody makes any references about it whatsoever. I’m guessing all the jokes have been exhausted already. Either that, or it’s because he’s the guy who can get people fired. Yeah, that would probably encourage people to call the whole thing off. Every time he leaves his office, I always hope he does a little dance number. No luck. Yet.
5. Get off my face.
I don’t really know who this woman is. We nodded at each other in the ladies’ room once, but that’s about it. Her wallpaper says ‘Get off my face.’ And I’m not sure what to make of it. There are so many things it could mean. Mostly, I have to stop myself from bursting out into laughter every time I see her monitor.
6. Barbie’s Dream House Cubicle
It’s not a crime to like pink. But surely there’s a limit? Even Legally Blonde didn’t take it this far! This girl has her entire cubicle decorated in various shades of pink. The stapler is pink. The tissue box is pink. The soft board is pink. It used to be navy blue, but is now covered in perfect magazine cut outs. There’s a picture of a pink kitten in there too. Even her computer is pink. She should get extra points for that, it looks really hard to do. She sits right behind me and I can feel all the pink staring at me as I work. It’s like Barbie and Hello Kitty both threw up all over her corner of the office.
7. Mr. Nice-Guy
Did you guess that he was nice? Good. He is. He’s so nice, he’s restored my faith in human kind. He’s sweet and polite, and he even recycles. SO NICE.
The thing is, he looks like an axe-murderer. His eyebrows are permanently knitted together. It’s not his fault, they just grow that way. I was terrified of stepping into his office the first time I met him. He actually did have an axe then. It turned out they were just repairing something in his office. Why he had an axe is beyond me.
Sometimes he stands behind us while we work. He has those stealthy quite footsteps (good for sneaking around axe-murderer style), so we rarely realize he’s there. I nearly screamed when he called out my name in his big ex-convict-like voice today.
“Do you want a cookie, Four Eyes? My wife made them.” sounds so different when he says it.
So that’s what I encounter at work every day. As for me, I put enough post-its around my computer to give my co-workers blog material. If that doesn’t get me on someone’s secret blog, shame on me.
8. Post-it girl- I don’t know what this girl’s deal is, but she’s got enough post-its on her monitor to make word of the day toilet paper and still have some left….
I think you and I may be working in the same office. Except the Barbie cubicle belongs to a guy!
Hahaha! We’re probably just separated by a floor. Are you the perfectly normal girl in the corner?
Oh hi there neighbour!
Hey, Post-It girl! Who doesn’t like to read about various shades of the color gray? I wonder if she should get together with Barbie’s Dream Cubicle gal and have some kind of color show-down. it could inspire an Epic TV Miniseries- The Pink versus the Gray.
Yes! That would be fantastic! Now to put them up to it…
Instigating can be so much fun!
There’s something to be said for headphones and music in a cubicle environment… but congrats on getting a job…for the rest of your life! Wheeeeeee
I tried that, can’t concentrate with music playing. Then I turn into head-bop girl.
Thanks, Denise 🙂 Yup, for the rest of my life (womp womp)
I need music to work (unless I’m writing a report – then I need total silence) – but I have an office in which I can listen to whatever my heart fancies ~ and even my previous jobs in restaurants always had music – it’s a criteria in my life for my job… which explains why I’m not rich 🙂
o-o should I congratulate you or should I say condolence. Careful with the Bomb, some of them are stink bomb 😆 Enjoy, now you are employed from 25 yrs to life!
I found the stink bomb today. His socks were on the cpu and everyone was avoiding him. He wonders what he does wrong.
Thanks, Seeker! 25 yrs to life! Woohoo?
Congrats on getting a job Miss Four Eyes.. I’m proud of you.. 😛
Thanks, dongengagung, I appreciate it 🙂
But no passive aggressive girl? Every good office setting needs one of those!
We have someone who leaves passive aggressive notes everywhere. There was one outside the restrooms! I still haven’t figured out who it is. But I have a feeling I’m going to like this person
That wallpaper is…interesting. 😀 Oh, and congrats!
It could mean so many things!
Thanks, Mer 🙂
As usual, this post is great! I love reading your posts! Congratulations on the job! 🙂
You’re the best, Amy! Thanks! 🙂
Haha! You work with some interesting personalities just like I do. There’s a reason why I read 50 Shades on my Nook – no one could tell I was reading it. Maybe – maybe she’s reading it to make fun of it on a blog? Maybe? And the pink cubicle – I mean, I like pink, but wow. They make pink staplers?
50 shades should only be read in electronic form. If she is making fun of it, she has my full support! Subjecting yourself to that, it’s rough.
They make bedazzled staplers too.
Bedazzled??? Hang on, hittin’ up amazon!
That’s optimistic of you that 50-Shades-Lady is possibly being ironic. It’s funny how seeing someone with that book just immediately seems sad. Sad, sexless, and illiterate. Like the book should come with a tub of cheap ice cream, a bottle of schnapps, and a box of tissue (for the crying).
I’ll take that box of tissues. The book makes me want to curl up into a ball and weep for the world. For the authors that write even slightly better than James and haven’t been published yet, for the people who liked the book and use it as their sex bible now, and for the children because they are being raised in a world with such suckage out in the open. Think about the children!
Yay! Paychecks! Woohoo!
Woohoo for paychecks! 😀
WoooHooooo employment 🙂 bet the office party will be fun LOL xxoxx
Mollie and Alfie
the Christmas party is coming up, it’s going to be super fun! I’m hoping to finally see Paul. Just not near the elevators.
My people here are far less interesting, but probably more insane. I wouldn’t be surprised if any of them went postal, at any minute. But at least they could try to be interesting.
You never know when they’ll crack. You do know that when they do, it’ll be fun.
I hope I crack and go on Tom Cruise meltdown before I leave. I’M TAKING ALL MY CLIENTS WITH ME!
Haha! And I hope it works!
It would be awesome if I only I liked any of my clients.
Thanks, Soul 🙂
Congratulations on being employed … for the rest of your life. I work in the Nevada version of your office. Same people, different zip code.
Haha! So there’s more of these people? I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Tell you what though, going to work is never boring. 🙂
Oooh, it’s still going to be boring. Trust me.
Fredastaire should be my fave, but really it’s the axe murderer guy. I love that he had an actually axe in his cubicle. And just remember this — axe murderers notoriously don’t look like axe murderers. Good luck on your new job!
I feel like there should be dramatic horror movie music after “murderers notoriously don’t look like axe murderers”. [dun dun dun]
Okay I meant an “actual” axe — aghhh!
Don’t worry about it, I didn’t even notice
Paul the HR person sounds a lot like “Management” from the show Carnivale. If he tells you it’s your destiny to confront a “creature of darkness” to stop the apocalypse, don’t listen to him.
So I just let the apocalypse happen?!
Firstly congrats on the job! You rock!
If you embrace the simple truth, that there is no Paul, you will see that it is not Paul that bends but yourself.
I instantly type-cast a person who is reading 50 Shades. Of course you give her the benefit of the doubt because of your epic awesomeness.
I love pink, in moderation. All things in moderation.
Don’t ever eat cookies from the axe murderer. Tell him you have coeliac disease and are lactose intolerant and allergic to death drops.
Thanks, Steph! 🙂
Bahahaaa! Love that quote.
I gave her the benefit of doubt because I refuse to believe someone could actually like that book enough to bring it to work. I mean, come on!
Moderation is good. So good.
I am in love with Fredastaire. I will be waiting in anticipation to find out if he does ever bust out some perfectly choreographed dance moves.
With a top hat no less. I can’t wait!
congrats on the job! and who cares if he’s actually nice or not? if he has cookies, eat them!
Right? Because, COOKIES!
Should one really talk about one’s coworkers online so soon after getting a new job? Just sayin’.
Oh, and Mr. Nice Guy is totally going to kill you all. Unless your workplace is currently on fire, there is no reason for an axe at the office. Just sayin’.
Maybe he wanted to…….cut up the cookies?
We’re all going to die aren’t we? It was nice knowing you. Tell my mother I love her.
I don’t know your mother. You might want to handle that yourself — while you still can.
Love this post. Sounds like you’ve got an interesting office, to say the least. Congrats on the new job! I myself have finally settled in at my new job – I’m finishing up my fourth week today! I’m celebrating by going out to lunch with my coworkers. 🙂
Woohoo! Congratulations! And thanks, Tiffany 🙂
😀 Thanks. And you’re very welcome!
Also, I love the hair.
Yay, that’s my hair! 😀
I really enjoyed this post! I also think that lady just wanted to read about different shades of grey! Don’t be to hard on her.
Fingers crossed, I really hope its that!
Welcome to the working world. It looks like you’re already getting a great cross-section of some of the quirky people you’ll work with for the rest of your life. I once worked with a guy who said he got struck by lightning four times and also worked for a secret government project in Iraq, where he got out of a taxi just before it blew up.
Hahaha! I love his imagination. It must have been fascinating to hear him talk, I would’ve waited around just to see what story he comes up with next
I wasn’t sure what to think of him. He may have been a compulsive liar but it was rather entertaining. Keep us updated if you find any other quirky co-workers at your job. You could write your own Dilbert-esque story.
no wonder they made ‘the office’ series. the people you encounter at work can be soo much fun
They are so much fun! Almost makes going to work that much better 🙂
Congrats on employement! That’s so exciting!!
Also – at least work people will never leave you bored! 🙂
I’m never bored that’s for sure!
Also, yay, it’s Jill! 😀
I want to work with you! I’m incredibly curious what you’d nickname me. 🙂
By the way, you should tell Get Off My Face lady that you like her wallpaper. She’s probably really cool if you start up a conversation.
Steve. Easy peasy. 😉
I did! Turns out there’s a whole back story to that. She’s funny
And now you’ll have to tell us…
Just discovered your site. I look forward to reading more about your adventures. I hope the nice guy isn’t secretly a baddie. Though that would make him a sort of cookie monster (boom boom)
Hi there, Alex!
I cracked up at cookie monster! I like you already 🙂
He’s great! I met him but he wouldn’t stop eating 😉
Funny stuff. Great observations and writing 🙂
Thanks, Michael! Glad you liked it 🙂