Anxiety and Other Awkwardness

You Know You’re Socially Awkward When…

Do you ever get that feeling where it’s like everyone you know was pulled aside in school and taught exactly how to interact with people? Yeah, me too. You know you’re socially awkward when:

  1. Introductions consist of fumbling on your own name, a couple of nods, and a big awkward smile.
  2. Your go-to in any situation is the Awkward Smile.
    Awkward Smile
  3. At no time during a conversation with someone do you ever know where your hands are supposed to go.
  4. You are still unclear whether people prefer the hug or the handshake, which has lead you to be far too familiar with the uncomfortable hug-shake. That’s where one of you goes in for a hug and the other a handshake, leading to groping of body parts.
  5. You’re stuck with someone boring at a party and you think that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. In your world, your party-partner is set for the night. You’re just doomed. You would rather stick it out with this guy than have an awkward conversation where you mumble something about going to the bathroom.
  6. You have nightmares about awkward silences.
  7. You’ve convinced yourself that awkward dancing is sexy in a Zoey Deschanel sort of way. The truth? You’d rather not know.
  8. People you don’t know tend to walk by just as you say words like ‘boobs’ or ‘fart’. You can’t look them in the eye for the rest of the day. Not that you would have anyway.
  9. Eye contact makes you extremely uncomfortable. Staring contests are your ultimate kryptonite, but nobody knows that. You hope that staring at their nose or eyebrows looks like pretty much the same thing.
  10. Just so you’re not left out of a conversation, you will pretend to have watched/listened to the movie/tv show/music album your friends are talking about. Your facial expressions clearly show that this is the first time you’ve heard of it.
  11. Sometimes you’re not exactly sure of the kind of reaction people expect from you. So you just wing it as you go, hoping that it’s right.
    Friend: And then she said, “You look better than my great aunt Mini.”
    You: That’s sweet of her.
    Friend: How can you say that?!
  12.  After saying goodbye to a person, you realize you’re going the same way. You could just say “Guess we’re going the same way.” But you KNOW that it would just end in a very, very awkward walk down the street where you’re not sure if you should initiate a mini-conversation until you say goodbye all over again. To avoid that, you turn around and walk the other way. You’ve added to your travel time, but it was so worth it.
  13. You realize that you’re going the wrong way while walking down the street. Instead of simply turning around, you pull out your phone, pretend to have a conversation, and then sort of convey to people on the road “Of course I need to turn around! My entire fate has altered because of the phone call I just had. You see that, onlookers? I wasn’t going the wrong way at all!”
  14. You’re waiting for a friend, and you wave when you finally see them. But the person is still several feet away. What do you do? Do you stare at them as they walk over? Do you smile the whole time? Do you just look at your feet until they get here? You usually pretend to look at your phone like an important person with important things to do. All you’re really doing is making sure your apps are closed so that they don’t drain power.
  15. You’re not usually clumsy. But the thought of walking over to a group of people and striking up a conversation makes you practically trip over your own shadow.

Falling over nothing

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75 thoughts on “You Know You’re Socially Awkward When…

    • Yay for another fellow shadow tripper! I manage to do the most embarrassing things when people are watching. I’ll bump into things, walk into things, drop things, all when I’m with company and never alone.

  1. Oh God, the hug hand shake mix up is the worst. What about when your walking past someone and all you want to do is smile and all they want to do is smile but you both noticed each other 20 feet away and so you pretend like you didn’t see the other person until you’re about to pass them and then you smile and say hi like you had just seen them and then keep on your way, but you know and they know and you both know that the other knows that it was all calculated… awkward…

  2. Such a hilairous post! Really made me laugh. The handshake hug is awkward for sure. I’ve had it when meeting a foreigner you’re not sure whether to hug or kiss them on the cheek. The one that is super uncomfortable too is when you are saying something and you know they have no idea what you are saying as they can’t hear you. You have to judge if it was worth repeating and how many times…

    • Oh that’s the worst. You can’t say “Nothing, it’s not important” because why did you say it in the first place, and you don’t want to repeat it ’cause it wasn’t that important. Awkward.

  3. Yep, hug/handshake is the worst! My favorite was leaving a party and commenting to my husband about how weird his boss’s son was only to discover that the boss and wife were right behind us. Excellent!

  4. Each and every point mentioned here is so true in my case, I’m not even kidding.
    The fifth one is the main reason why I try my level best to avoid parties. I think I’m better off with my laptop at home than getting stuck up with someone boring. Maybe that’s why I love computers more than people…..

  5. Here’s one for you: Have you ever been around a bunch of people and then become convinced that everyone can read minds…except for you?

    As for #14, I usually just flick them off.

  6. Wow, now you’re getting into animating! Cool. And once again, somehow you have seen inside my head. I’ve had patrons say I’m so friendly because I am always smiling. I smile because I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.

    • Haha! Me too. When in doubt, I give a thousand watt awkward smile. I hope it’s distracting enough that nobody notices that I haven’t got the slightest clue what I’m supposed to do.

  7. hahaha! I sadly can relate too far more on this list than I care to admit… thankfully not all of it is me… (I think, hope, oh please not all of it… OK I know #9 isn’t me… I actually make eye contact all the time… which often turns out to be awkward and sometimes embarrassing and sigh maybe it would better if #9 was me???)

  8. That awkward hug/handshake dilemma still terrifies me, especially with female friends from other cultures. Don’t wanna offend, don’t want to seem unfriendly, don’t want to come out and ask, “So, can I hug you, or what?”

    • There should be set rules. When faced with A do B. Something like that.
      I just wait to see what the other person’s doing and take it from there. This of course opens up a whole new scenario of awkwardness where both people wait to see what to do.

  9. #5… so been there. Got desperate and found myself telling the story of how I started believing in God. Started innocent enough, possibly even preachy, until I got to the part about the housefly, masturbation, and my mother-in-law. Ah well, s’pose even the big J had his off days 😉

  10. Oh dear, this all rings very true for me. I had a recent cringeworthy no. 12 moment where instead of just changing direction, I just kept going. So much regret. Thanks for the great post 😀

    • I hear ya, I used to do that too. So many times I’ve walked the same way without making eye contact attempting to make it less awkward but failing miserably, the other person was probably thinking “Why on earth is she staring at her feet like that?!”

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