Do you ever get that feeling where it’s like everyone you know was pulled aside in school and taught exactly how to interact with people? Yeah, me too. You know you’re socially awkward when:
- Introductions consist of fumbling on your own name, a couple of nods, and a big awkward smile.
- Your go-to in any situation is the Awkward Smile.
- At no time during a conversation with someone do you ever know where your hands are supposed to go.
- You are still unclear whether people prefer the hug or the handshake, which has lead you to be far too familiar with the uncomfortable hug-shake. That’s where one of you goes in for a hug and the other a handshake, leading to groping of body parts.
- You’re stuck with someone boring at a party and you think that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. In your world, your party-partner is set for the night. You’re just doomed. You would rather stick it out with this guy than have an awkward conversation where you mumble something about going to the bathroom.
- You have nightmares about awkward silences.
- You’ve convinced yourself that awkward dancing is sexy in a Zoey Deschanel sort of way. The truth? You’d rather not know.
- People you don’t know tend to walk by just as you say words like ‘boobs’ or ‘fart’. You can’t look them in the eye for the rest of the day. Not that you would have anyway.
- Eye contact makes you extremely uncomfortable. Staring contests are your ultimate kryptonite, but nobody knows that. You hope that staring at their nose or eyebrows looks like pretty much the same thing.
- Just so you’re not left out of a conversation, you will pretend to have watched/listened to the movie/tv show/music album your friends are talking about. Your facial expressions clearly show that this is the first time you’ve heard of it.
- Sometimes you’re not exactly sure of the kind of reaction people expect from you. So you just wing it as you go, hoping that it’s right.
Friend: And then she said, “You look better than my great aunt Mini.”
You: That’s sweet of her.
Friend: How can you say that?!
- After saying goodbye to a person, you realize you’re going the same way. You could just say “Guess we’re going the same way.” But you KNOW that it would just end in a very, very awkward walk down the street where you’re not sure if you should initiate a mini-conversation until you say goodbye all over again. To avoid that, you turn around and walk the other way. You’ve added to your travel time, but it was so worth it.
- You realize that you’re going the wrong way while walking down the street. Instead of simply turning around, you pull out your phone, pretend to have a conversation, and then sort of convey to people on the road “Of course I need to turn around! My entire fate has altered because of the phone call I just had. You see that, onlookers? I wasn’t going the wrong way at all!”
- You’re waiting for a friend, and you wave when you finally see them. But the person is still several feet away. What do you do? Do you stare at them as they walk over? Do you smile the whole time? Do you just look at your feet until they get here? You usually pretend to look at your phone like an important person with important things to do. All you’re really doing is making sure your apps are closed so that they don’t drain power.
- You’re not usually clumsy. But the thought of walking over to a group of people and striking up a conversation makes you practically trip over your own shadow.