How to Make Your Dates Less Awkward

Dating is difficult stuff. The whole night is about trying to make someone who is practically a stranger like you. It’s a lot of pressure! Let’s face it, first dates can get pretty awkward. Sometimes they get so awkward that you actually have a map to cross out the places you can never ever visit again with the fear that you might bump into that person and *gasp* have to make eye contact or something.

Don’t you worry, we’ve all been there. Here is a quick guide to help you make your dates a little less awkward:

1. The Awkward Silence: it’s your first date and both of you are pretty nervous. Neither of you is sure what to say so you just sort of sit there as the awkward silence stretches from seconds to minutes to what feels like eons.

Trying to save the moment by staring into each other’s eyes romantically never works.

What you’re hoping will happen:

Heart eyes
What actually happens:

Thoughts on an Awkward Date

How to save the situation: Comment on something, anything on the table.

Nice water

2. The Question You Don’t Want to Answer: He asks you an inappropriate question. Maybe he’s nervous, maybe he’s just creepy, or maybe he just really wants to know if you keep dead frog legs in your backyard. Whatever it is, you’d rather not make the situation even more uncomfortable by trying to answer it. What do you do? When in doubt, pick the ladies’ room. It’s the best go-to for anything. He can’t hunt you down in there, and he won’t dare ask what you had to do. It’s the perfect getaway. You can do it as many times as you want. Just walk away, come back, and sit down all lady-like as if nothing happened.

Excuse me date on Make A Gif

Him: What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
Her: Excuse me, I need to visit the ladies room.
Him: Do you have dead frog legs in your backyard?
Her: Would you excuse me? I need to visit the ladies room.
Him: How were your bowel movements today?
Her: Excuse me for a moment, I need to visit the ladies room.

3. The Goodbye: The date went so well that even you’re surprised. Now for the moment that defines your entire relationship for the rest of forever—the goodbye. Your brains goes into overdrive. What’s the protocol? Do you kiss him? But he’s got spinach in his teeth and you’d rather not mention it. Do you do an awkward hug? Go right or left, arms around his neck or waist?! Does a hug put you in the friend zone? Will a peck on the cheek make you seem too much like his grandmother?!

What results is an awkward hug-shake-grope-peck.

Awkward goodbye

How to save the situation: It’s important to remain calm, brace yourself, and just go with it. You’re doomed on this one. The awkward hug-shake-grope-peck is an inevitable part of a first date and it’s a milestone only so many couples pass. Making it to the second date despite the most awkward goodbye of all time makes you a winner!


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72 thoughts on “How to Make Your Dates Less Awkward

  1. Gawd woman you crack me up, adore your sense of humour and how clever you are with your animations. I have been there…back in my day, the hug, shake, grope,peck situation.. 😦 good grief will we just move on? Brill lady, simply brill 🙂

    • Haha, thanks, Mumsy! The good thing about the the hug, shake, grope, peck is that you can weed out the good guys from the bad ones if they call you after all that awkwardness 🙂

    • Right? There should be something to describe the whole thing in one word. I think the problem is that while most awkward people have been in that situation, nobody wants to christen it anything ’cause it’s just too awkward.

  2. I had this date once that was so weird. I assumed it was because the girl had terribly diarrhea. Now I’m wondering if it was because I kept asking her questions about my ideas for how to be the most successful serial killer ever.

    Anyway, I never asked her out again because I thought she had wimpy bowels. Now I’m wondering: “What could have been?”

    • I get it, wimpy bowels are the worst!
      What could have been? Hmm…I don’t know Eric, I’m sure she was the right one. In the middle of any hypothetical murder, she’d have those wimpy bowels to constantly worry about. Not so stealthy.

      • Sure, it would make things loud and smelly, but all the extra DNA on the scene might make me harder to track down.

        • Plus the pursuit would be quite half-hearted. Who wants to be the guy who finally arrests the infamous “Loose Bowel Killers”? How’s that for a claim to fame?

        • Haha! Nobody wants to be the guy that has to say “…and it was the smell‒the smell!‒that led me to the them. That’s how I caught the Loose Bowel Killers.”

        • “I still smell it. I shower twice a day. I change my clothes every four hours. I brush my teeth before and after I eat. But I still smell it. Please kill me.”

        • No diaper can compare to the day he cornered The Loose Bowel Killers. No potty accident can hold a candle to the drive back to the station with his prisoners.

          “The horror. The horror.”

        • He would go up to strangers at restaurants and stores and say: “It seems your baby has filled his diaper. Would you do me the honor of letting my change the little tyke?”

          When he finally snapped and ended up homeless he held up a placard saying: “Will toilet train toddlers for food”

        • Sometimes, when the whiskey had flowed a little too freely, one of his former co-workers would tell the new guy: The Legend. It was a sort of initiation. To hear the tale too stinky to be believed, yet to horrifying to be dreamed up.

  3. Hahaahaha! This reminds me of two things: one, I had a bad date with dude and then like two months later, ran into him (literally–with my basket) in a grocery store. He stopped, I started apologizing, looked up and we both went, ummm–and practically ran away from each other. My daughter was very confused.
    And two—bowels. Blogged about the weirdness that bowels bring to a date….lol.

    • 1. Awkward! I’m glad that neither of you attempted small talk. I always feel like trying to salvage the situation with small talk just makes it worse with every comment about the weather.
      2. I’m going to look for this post right now!

  4. Ah, that awkward hug/grope/handshake thing. Just seeing your picture puts me into a cold sweat again. 🙂 Or that thing where one goes for the handshake and the other goes for the hug, and then you switch and do this back and forth for a while until you finally give up and kind of just smash together for a second and then both run away.

    • Been there, David, far too many times I think. There should be rules! Like: Everyone goes left, right arm around neck, left arm around waist, two second pause, release. Some rules would make everything so much easier.

  5. OMG! Hysterical! It’s been a while (like decades) since I dated but this brought it all back. It never changes! Well, in a sense it does. As you age you have to make sure you don’t get all the chins tangled up.

  6. Reminds me of that one, ONE, date I had with Unibrow Guy. We watched a Steven Segal movie. The only time a woman showed up it was to show her boobs. Bombs exploding, guns firing, no plot whatsoever. I said “I didn’t care for it.” Then he started to “explain” it to me. Uh, no.

  7. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nice excuse at number 2. I bet you see some couple on a date in distress around, change into your superhero costume, rescue them giving them advice to save their date, and then return back to the table acting as if nothing happened.
    On a more serious note, you ignored his bowel movements question? Really? That’s the best icebreaker of all time!
    And with the smile-kiss-grope-hug, it is like an all-in-one goodbye on the first date! And if you do get groped by your date accidentally in the future, you would think he’s just saying goodbye! That goodbye awkward-proofs groping. 😀

    • I should do that! All I need is a costume. They’d call me The Date Saver! “It’s a bird …it’s a plane…it’s the Date Saver!” “Thanks for saving us from that brutal awkward silence, Date Saver!”
      Hmm…maybe work on the superhero name though.

      It’s not so much the bowel movement talk that bothers me, it’s just that I feel like BM should be a conversation for date #2. I’m not going to give it all away on the first date!

      An all-in-one goodbye, I like it!

    • Teach me your ways, Steph! I think I’d be pretty awkward either way. Plus, with a woman, I’d always be worried that she’d just ask me point blank what it was that I did in the ladies room. Or worse, she could hunt me down in there!

      • I don’t really know why I manage so well. I guess I just like talking to people *gasp*. I tend to ask people a lot about themselves and then just recount my recent couple of days, which with me is always a little fraught. But it seems to go well. Main point to note when dating is to worry more about if you like them and less about if they like you. Otherwise you spend the whole time stuck in your own head second guessing yourself and that’s no fun.

  8. Thank god I’m not on the dating scene anymore. I’m as awkward as Dick Cheney with nipple tassles on first meeting a girl/guy in the flesh. Thank god for the ladies’.

    • Haha! Yeah, me too. I want to say that it’s getting better, but I think that I’m just getting used to it, as is my poor date. Unanimous awkwardness isn’t so uncomfortable after a while 😀
      And yeah, thank god for the ladies’!

  9. LOOOOL this is so adorably written! I love the images haha and I love how the advice given here is still super awkward…. but all unavoidable traits of first dates T__T

  10. Love and blogging… only worth adventuring when you’ve got nothing to lose… but both equally paralyzing when you realize that having nothing to lose means you have everything to gain… only worth typing this appallingly didactic platitude because I have no more dignity to lose … after surviving (with all fingers and toes) my own appallingly embarrassing dating career ~wink. Thanks for the great post!

    • Hehe, you sound like you know what you’re talking about. Don’t you worry though, I’m on my way to having an appallingly embarrassing dating career too, so there’s that 🙂

    • Not really, but there were two different questions: about things I keep in my backyard (a seemingly innocent question but turned out to be a little creepy), and about dead frog legs. I remember thinking something along the lines of “Because live frog legs would be kind of a pain, huh?” and then picturing body-less frog legs hoping around all over the place.

      • Lol! I swear I thought of the same hilarious macabre scene as soon as I hut “send”, and I somehow knew you’d come up with that as well. So I’m glad I waited. I was not disappointed!

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