Stages of a Dysfunctional Relationship with the Internet

Hi everyone! I’ve been away for a while. What happened? The internet and I have been having some issues. We broke up for a while, then got together and broke up again over and over. But don’t you worry, we’ve sorted it out now. I’ll tell you this though, being in a relationship with the internet is hard!

Stages of a Dysfunctional Relationship with the Internet:

Stage 1: The Honeymoon Phase

Internet 1

You’re in love. You feel a little high every time you look at your favorite browser, it’s almost like being on drugs. It feels incredible, and you never ever want to stop feeling like that. You make sure that you check in on the Internet every morning and every night before you go to bed, and even a whole bunch of times during the day. You lose track of the hours you spend alone with it. Every moment is special. Nobody has ever taken care of you like the Internet.  It becomes your whole life, you want to hold it tight and never let go.

Stage 2: The Rut

Internet 2

Internet 3

For some reason you’re just not feeling it anymore. The unending pings that you used to love are getting annoying. You start picking little faults in each other. The Internet can sense your frustration with it, and it starts pulling away from you. Web pages take longer to load. Your favorite songs that once would be downloaded in seconds begin to take minutes‒sometimes even *gasp* hours‒to download. You’re getting irritable and the name calling begins, leading to:

Stage 3: The Breakup

Internet 4

The Internet is gone, and you can’t do anything about it. No matter how many times you refresh the page, it just isn’t coming back. Your world is a little darker, you feel detached to everything.

Stage 4: The Mourning Period

Internet 5

You waited for 24 hours, it was the hardest day of your life. You desperately hoped that the Internet would come back to you. You left it messages promising to change, that things would be different. You cried your eyes out not knowing what to do with all the free time you’ve got now. You know you have to move on, but you’re not sure how. Usually, you’d Google it, but that isn’t an option anymore.

Stage 5: The Rebound

Internet 6

In an attempt to move on, you threaten to cheat with the neighbor’s high-speed service. But your Internet isn’t having it, it just won’t come back. You almost shake as you enter the password to change the network connection. You NEED to feel that rush of excitement as you type into Google’s search bar, but you cry the whole time instead, and you feel a little dirty after you’re done.

Stage 6: Getting Back Together

Internet 7

After a lot of introspection and some rewiring of the internet cables, you’re back together.  You promise to never let each other go, you never want to be apart again. It’s a happily ever after, just like a fairytale in the Internet-age.

…and you’re right back at Stage 1.

65 thoughts on “Stages of a Dysfunctional Relationship with the Internet

  1. Hilarious girlfriend! It IS like a tumultuous relationship! I remember when we first got a computer with internet. It was 1995! That sound you hear when the modem connects? WOW! It made my heart beat a little faster…no kidding! And now if I had dialup I think I would slit my wrists!! HA HA!

  2. *gasp* I thought the Internet was my one true love! Internet! Its cheating on me! How many other people are you loving Internet?
    Internet: “Uhm, like 2 billion i guess…”
    Me: Now I know how Joaquin Phoenix’s character felt like in the movie “Her”.
    Internet: “Aaawwww, it is okay, you get 25 KB of my love per second…”
    Me:*pause* yeah of course…..
    *me and the internet making out*

  3. It’s a love and hate relationship. Tee hee…. right now I hate it for making me feel wanted and needed all the time. I did stay away from it for awhile. I’m the one that is suffering from system overload.

    • Ha! That’s what it does! It ropes you in convincing you about how much it needs you, and before you know it you’re spending all your time and energy trying to make it happy.

  4. Oh so true. I moved house a month ago and the internet company hasn’t managed to connect my service yet. I’m working off a pre-paid dongle. It is so slow. It’s driving me mental. It’s also really expensive. But I can’t be without the Internet. You see…. Twitter is my soul mate. True story.

  5. Loved the illustations, In April I did a post on how to deal with a slow internet connection in 7 easy steps – after having some really fustrating moments with my interent. Ha, ha but this post is really awsome! I think everyone can releate.

  6. Hahaha…this describes it so perfectly! I have HughesNet, which means once I watch two videos or download a song my bandwidth is GONE for 24 hours and I have no internet. And I don’t even have a neighbor to cheat on it with…such is life. I love your cartoons, by the way!!

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