My last plan didn’t exactly work out so well. What was the plan you ask? It went a little like this:
Step 1: Forgo all notions of freedom, and sign up for a fancy graduate program that will send me into a Grand-Canon-sized amount of debt (aka the only kind of legal slavery still prevalent)
Step 2: Get fancy job. (Uncomfortably) Suit up and go to work for 16 hours every day. Forget what ‘social life’ means.
Step 3: Make mountains of money.
I finished Step 1. I am now a MBA fucking graduate in fucking supply chain. Whoop de doo. Step 2 is underway. Mostly, it’s Step 3 that’s being a little bitch.
So that’s why I need a new plan. Here are the options so far:
- Write a smut book like E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey. Sure it would make me hate myself to the very core and people from all around the world would write scathing reviews of my books. But it’ll make a mountain of money in no time! And I could even write my own scathing review of my own book and simultaneously become a famous book critic.
- Become a high-profile abstract art thief. And by that I mean I’m going to steal the neighbor’s 5-year-old’s art homework and convince rich people to buy it for millions.
- Become a professional shoe breaker-inner. You know how wildly uncomfortable new shoes can be and you just wish that someone would just break them in for you? That’s where I come in! I break them in, and get paid buckets. Now I know what you’re thinking “But Four Eyes, what about your feet? Wouldn’t they hurt so bad that you’d rather kill yourself?!” But you know what? With the amount of debt I’ve racked up and my current rate of negative income, that is exactly how every single day feels. Breaking in bad shoes would feel like home.
- Become an artiste (that’s an artist with an extra ‘e’ for extraordinarily egghead-ish). Now this is going to be pretty amazing. What I’m going to do is set up a bedroom out in public, and people can come watch me do my fantastic impression of doing absolutely nothing. It’ll be an epic statement about human rights and egalitarian prophesies of man and how life is fleeting.
Anyway those are things I’m working on right now.
What do you guys think my next plan should be?