I recently downloaded one of those fancy news apps that gives you real-time updates about news around the world. This, as I’ve realized, is probably the most self-harming thing one can do to themselves. Now, everyday, every hour practically, I get bombarded with the most useless information. “Kylie Jenner just went Platinum Blonde!” What? Why would I need to read that as a as-it-happens news piece?! Then on the other hand my phone also blows up with news about death and destruction, which significantly bums me out.
Between Kylie’s hair and all the terror in the world, I’m really sad. Sad for the bad things (the hair you guys, keep up). I’m sad cause, at the end of the day the biggest problems in our lives are so wildly insignificant. Why don’t my problems have push notifications?! Oh, that’s what Snapchat is for. Nevermind.
Anyway, I’m not sure what my point was. So here are some real real life struggles:
- When you have to choose between food and sleep.
- When the coffee machine at work isn’t working and you just can’t.
- When you’ve lost your glasses, but you can’t find your glasses without your glasses.
This happens more often than you think.
- When your boss tells you a joke, but you don’t realize it’s a joke, and you can’t decide whether to politely fake-laugh or nod understandingly. Your job potentially hangs solely on the appropriateness of your reaction.
- When you really need to pee but the only empty stall has an alien object on the seat, so you have to decide between braving it and peeing your pants.
- When you’re giving an important presentation at work to a dozen people and all you can think about is how much you need to fart.
- When you’re in a public space, say an elevator, and you really really REALLY need to pick your nose. Like, not an elegant little scratch, but really get all up in there.
- When you need to poop RIGHT FUCKING NOW, and your roommate is blow-drying his hair in the bathroom.
What are your REAL life struggles?
Blah, the struggles in life!!
I know right?! The worst.
Unemployment is not a real struggle compared to that hair! Ehrmagad!
The hair is absolutely vital to our being Maggie, especially the kind on the head of someone who has a striking resemblance to a Bratz doll
True, so that’s the next thing I need to have a nightmare over? My hair on my wedding day?
Hehe, that is second only to the nightmare about the hair on the other Jenner girl in response to her sister’s new Bratz hair.
You ever think wedding veils were just a clever attempt at covering a bad hair day?
Now I have to have a veil as well? Jeeez, I had a nightmare about the wedding cake – it woke me up this morning! Great! Not that the wedding is happening anytime soon, unless you think soon is within 10 years from now – that means the wedding is next week! Bah! I’m STRESSED!!!
I love your posts! I can totally relate to not being able to find my glasses without my glasses, and I would love to see more news stories about how to cope with these types of struggles rather than global warming or political turmoil. Pfft! 😉
Exactly! Why do we need to know how to deal with the emerging platinum blonde hair dye shortage in Estonia?! We need news for the real problems in the world.
HAhaa! Agreed!
I too have struggled with the difficulty of locating one’s glasses when one doesn’t have them. It’s a problem.
Right?! And of course the people around you, being the kind good-hearted beings that they are, will hide your glasses away
Oh gosh the pee one….yes. And the glasses one…but the pee one…brutal.
That one happens at least once a week. It’s just so hard.
Writing or working? 😉
Totally! Those days I wish writing was working.
I’ve done the glasses one on numerous occasions. I usually put them on the nightstand so I can just feel for them, but if I’m woken up by a phone call, my flailing panic to get to the phone before it stops ringing often makes everything on the night stand go flying…
My most recent real life struggle: I was in the grocery store, getting my groceries, when I realized that I had to poop. I don’t like leaving a basket of groceries unattended, because I have an irrational fear that grocery store gnomes will raid my basket and re-shelve everything I have gathered. I solved the problem by cutting my shopping time short and getting the heck out of there. Half my grocery list remained unpurchased, but I was safe and comfortable at home where there are no grocery store gnomes to raid my shopping.
The struggles are real