I recently downloaded one of those fancy news apps that gives you real-time updates about news around the world. This, as I’ve realized, is probably the most self-harming thing one can do to themselves. Now, everyday, every hour practically, I get bombarded with the most useless information. “Kylie Jenner just went Platinum Blonde!” What? Why would I need to read that as a as-it-happens news piece?! Then on the other hand my phone also blows up with news about death and destruction, which significantly bums me out.
Between Kylie’s hair and all the terror in the world, I’m really sad. Sad for the bad things (the hair you guys, keep up). I’m sad cause, at the end of the day the biggest problems in our lives are so wildly insignificant. Why don’t my problems have push notifications?! Oh, that’s what Snapchat is for. Nevermind.
Anyway, I’m not sure what my point was. So here are some real real life struggles:
- When you have to choose between food and sleep.
- When the coffee machine at work isn’t working and you just can’t.
- When you’ve lost your glasses, but you can’t find your glasses without your glasses.
- When your boss tells you a joke, but you don’t realize it’s a joke, and you can’t decide whether to politely fake-laugh or nod understandingly. Your job potentially hangs solely on the appropriateness of your reaction.
- When you really need to pee but the only empty stall has an alien object on the seat, so you have to decide between braving it and peeing your pants.
- When you’re giving an important presentation at work to a dozen people and all you can think about is how much you need to fart.
- When you’re in a public space, say an elevator, and you really really REALLY need to pick your nose. Like, not an elegant little scratch, but really get all up in there.
- When you need to poop RIGHT FUCKING NOW, and your roommate is blow-drying his hair in the bathroom.
What are your REAL life struggles?